Scarlet's Culture Garden

Attention!

2010-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

Well I feel very sad about doing this because for a couple of years Blogger was my home but, well, I think I've pretty much officially moved my two sites together into one on Wordpress.

This is my new site: http://scarletsculturegarden.wordpress.com/

I hope all of you find that it's great, because I think it's a lot better than here on Blogger but that's just my personal opinion.

Bye bye Blogger....

*sniff*

Baking: Lemon Drizzle Cake

2010-05-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

Difficulty: Easy
Ingredients:

■2 unwaxed lemons
■175g of unsalted butter, plus extra for greasing
■200g of self-raising flour
■1/2 teaspoon baking powder
■3 large free range eggs
■175g of granulated sugar (for the sponge)
■100g of granulated sugar (for the icing)

Method
1.Preheat the oven to 180C/Gas Mark 4 and grease a 900g loaf tin with some butter before lining with baking paper
2.Grate the zest of the two lemons
3.Put the butter, flour, 175g of sugar, baking powder, eggs, and the lemon zest into a large mixing bowl and mix until thick and smooth
4.Spoon the mixture into the loaf tin and level off with a pallette knife
5.Bake until golden brown, and the cake bounces back when you press it (this may or may not take more than 35 minutes)
6.Remove the cake from the oven and leave to cool for 5 minutes before placing on to a wire rack and turning it the right way around
7.Squeeze out three tablespoons of lemon juice and mix this with the remaining 100g of granulated sugar to make the crunchy glaze
8.Spoon half of the glaze over the cake and let it dribble down the sides before leaving for 5 minutes. Repeat the process again after this time has passed
9.Leave the cake to set for an hour, until the icing has crystallised

Suggestion: The cake is classically made with lemons, but to give it a twist, why not use oranges or limes instead? You could even make a lemon and lime cake by adding lime zest to the sponge mixture and having a lemon topping!

Erasing David: Common Sense Doesn't Prevail

2010-05-11T02:48:00.001-07:00

A couple of nights ago More4 showed "Erasing David" as part of its ever-insightful True Stories strand (for those of you who don't know, True Stories are feature-length documentaries focusing on issues and stories that never make it on to the news).

The idea was that David Bond, the film-maker, would make himself disappear for a month while private investigators did everything they could to find him and catch him before the month was up.

Now, it may seem as if that would be quite easy: just go to another country, mooch around for a bit and then return triumphant. Er, no. The private investigators were able to find out everything about David's family and the man himself, enabling them to track and pre-empt his every move. They knew he was in Brussels, they knew he went to Berlin. They also knew he was in Paris, and so waited patiently for him to arrive at St. Pancras station, although he never materialised (because he took the ferry).

The action was intercut with scenes from the months leading up to David's disappearance, including a visit to a psychologist, an insight into CCTV, a training session with the man who wrote "How To Disappear" and David's piles of information that he'd gathered from private companies and the government. All about him. And his two year old daughter. The piles were shockingly large - Amazon knew that he was feeling angry on a particular day in 2006. Scary. These parts, along with the efforts of the private investigators, were the most illuminating parts of the film.

What was frustrating was the complete incompetence of David - it was like he actually wanted to be found. When he went to Brussels he let a blogger film him and paste the results on the internet for all to see, he visited his father's house, he planned to go to his mother's house and used the internet and his Blackberry on numerous occassions. In my opinion the only thing he did right was to go to Pembrokeshire and hide in a wood hut for a couple of days. He eventually went to a London hospital to keep an ante-natal appointment with his pregnant, and very ill, wife. This is where he was eventually caught after eighteen days - the NHS had given out details of their appointment to the investigators simply because they knew his name and his wife's date of birth. I was surprised it took them that long considering some of David's silly moves.

Still, I guess the actual chase bit wasn't the real point of the documentary - the real purpose was obviously to get us to think more about how we use our data and who's watching it. It was sort of pessimistic but for me it wasn't anything I didn't know anyway. Perhaps David was naive to think that there wasn't a whole boatload of data on him out there, but if you do want some insight on how our private data is used then you should check the film out.

Baking: Chocolate Chip Cookies

2010-05-08T03:25:00.000-07:00

Difficulty: Easy

Makes 18-24 depending on the size of the cookies you make

Ingredients:

■125g of softened butter plus extra for greasing
■125g of soft brown sugar (or demerara which gives the cookies extra richness)
■1 beaten egg
■200g of self-raising flour
■Pinch of salt
■125g of chocolate chips (drops)
■50g of brazil nuts (optional)

Method

1.Grease a couple of baking trays with a little butter. If you have greaseproof paper, you could line the trays with this – it works wonders!
2.In a large mixing bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy
3.Gradually add the beaten egg to the mixture, beating well after each addition
4.Sift the flour into the creamed mixture and blend well
5.Stir in the chocolate and, if you’re using them, the brazil nuts
6.Place heaped teaspoons of the mixture on to the baking trays – do not put more than six cookies to a tray, and make sure there’s plenty of space between the cookies or they will run into each other!
7.Bake in a preheated oven at 190C/375F/Gas Mark 5 for 10-12 or until golden brown (you might have to place the cookies on the top shelf to make them cook quickly
8.When cooked, place the cookies on to a wire rack and wait until completely cooked to enjoy!
Suggestions: Once you’re confident with cooking the choc chip cookies, why not try different flavours? Try making double chocolate by adding cocoa powder to the uncooked mixture, or you could add mixed spice and sultanas for a luxurious taste? If you can cook it in a cookie, try it!

Heston's Feasts: Mostly Gastronomical!

2010-05-07T03:22:00.001-07:00

For the past five weeks I've been following Channel 4's series "Heston's Feasts" in which science-minded gastronut Heston Blumenthal picks a theme or era for a banquet for six celebs and redesigns the food associated with the topic. So far he's tackled Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory (i.e. the 60s), the Titanic, Gothic Fairy Tales and the 70s and has yet to tackle the 80s.

Every week Heston himself is the star of the show, getting up to strange antics in all sorts of locations as he tries to suss out what recipes are good and bad by testing them on the British public - not all the results are that great. The joy of this part of the program is that he actually sticks entirely to the original recipes, so he's eaten brains and raw blood, the vile stamina-foods of Sir Walter Scott and has eaten a traditional Moroccan camel recipe just like Lawrence of Arabia (that was the bit of the true story obviously left out of David Lean's film!)

Heston then re-imagines these original recipes to make something more exciting and extraordinary... as well as edible - we've been given the delights of the Humpy Meal (camel meat redifined as Happy-Meal-style fast food), the Pot Heston (a non-processed, fun Pot Noodle that's high on nutrition, low on those pesky E-Numbers) and blood risotto (really not as gruesome as it sounds, it's just a posh risotto with a small amount of concentrated blood, or purer black pudding, with some red beetroot dye to make it look devillishly evil).

Heston's ideas are nearly always inventive but sometimes they fall just that little bit short of the mark. In the weakest episode of the series so far, "Heston's Titanic Feast", Blumenthal swaps invention for the notion that he wants to serve the actual meal that the people on the Titanic never got to experience. As a result, his dishes were flat and uninspired and while all of his food must taste phenomenal, it's hard to get the impression of magic just by watching some celebrities fawn over a plate. Basically, when the fun and games aren't there Heston's Feasts turns into a posturing, high-brow show that could easily be found on inferior cooking shows like Masterchef, or even The Restaurant.

Luckily though, that hasn't happened in most of the episodes in this series. While that single episode was tedious to watch, Heston's charm and intelligence are there for all to see - if you can stand some of the slightly sycophantic celebrities and their comments, the gastronomy on the show is brilliant. If you haven't already seen any of Heston's Feasts, please try and see an episode (er, just not the Titanic one!)

Prince of Persia: Already A Letdown?

2010-05-06T07:08:00.001-07:00

Coming soon to a large multiplex cinema near you: Jerry Bruckheimer's take on Prince of Persia:

I have to apologize for the slightly dodgy picture quality here; what I was trying to pull off didn't quite work I'm afraid. Anyway, any film by Jerry Bruckheimer will no doubt have its share of thrills and spills and also a large spoonful of wooden dialogue (including clangers, plus some explanations that we're frankly patronised by) but his films always make for a good night out, right?

Well maybe not if, like me, you're a disgruntled fan of the original Prince of Persia games. First of all, the Prince never had a name, secondly, he wasn't so wooden in the way he talked. No doubt Jake Gyllenhaal can wield a sword very well (he'll have to, otherwise it'll be "Prince of Persia: The Laughable Rogue") and Gemma Arterton as his love-interest Tamina will prove to be a good sidekick. Plus we'll be able to tell who the bad guy is because he'll be the one wearing the most eye-liner. We've got all that, but none of this:

That's right: BEAST BASHING! In Bruckheimer's version, the Prince will not slay a single zombie or kick a demon into the pits of oblivion - all of the enemies are human. To my mind this defies one of the points of Prince of Persia: it's a platformer where you get to kill some inhuman beasties using some flashy swashbuckling moves. It would have been better if, like in the video game, the Prince used the Dagger of Time to stop a zombie or demon from jumping on him. Surely the film needs to have an element of the supernatural in it? Even if the villain eventually turns into that devil-god monster from the fourth installment in the end, at least it'll keep the purists happy.

I suppose if you're not familiar with the game, then you'll enjoy the film as a piece of escapism. If not, well, at least they've got the Prince's clothes right!

My Bank Holiday

2010-05-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

I put an excalamtion mark at the end of the post title to make this seem a lot more interesting than it probably has been: basically Bank Holidays are always the same. You've got football on the telly, rubbish TV programmes, the weather's terrible and everyone thinks that it's a good idea to rush to the seaside because, er, that's what you do on a Bank Holiday.

Well, it's been pretty much the same for me. Today was the seaside day, and even though I didn't see much of the beach (because it's absolutely freezing cold out there) I did get my mitts on fish and chips:

Well it's actually a fish cake, which is why it's so round! I have to say that these paticular variety of fish and chips are very delicious - it's a good job that I don't live nearer to where these are made otherwise I'd be the size of a house! I had ice cream too, but I'll have you know that I was good and only opted for a small tub: I'm not the pig I may seem to be!

In other Bank Holiday news, I was so desperate for a game that takes longer than 10 hours to complete (including min-games, collectibles, side-quests and all the rest of it) that I resorted to getting my ancient Nintendo 64 working again:

I decided to start with Donkey Kong, since it's a game I haven't played for ages - I think this game actually holds the record for the amount of collectible items in a single game (including bananas, golden bananas, fairies, battle crowns, blueprints, banana medals, boss keys, oranges, ammunition crates, two special tokens, banana coins, headphones and camera film. That's quite a long list!) Also on the cards to play is the first two Banjo-Kazooie games (Banjo-Tooie is hilarious and also takes an age to complete 100%) and Zelda: Majora's Mask, for me the most criminally underrated in the franchise.

So other than this and blogging it's been a pretty mundane Bank Holiday really. I'll sign off with Beck's "Youthless" a song that's been on repeat for me over the weekend and also has a very simple yet oddly ingenious video:

30 Rock Season 4: Let The Hilarity Commence!

2010-05-02T04:22:00.001-07:00

Last week the first episode of the hilarious fourth series of 30 Rock started and it hasn't lost any of its charm and sparkle: actually, I think it might have gained a little something. Already this season we've seen less popular-culture gags and more focus on the characters (Kenneth not wanting to be a liar, Liz coping with the fact that she's a rude New-Yorker...) That's always good of course: characters who were pushed into the background in Series 3 and pretty much only had the odd cemeo appearance are given the major roles they once had.

Of course, we still get a lot of the strange Tracy Jordan (an alias of Tracy Morgan. I say alias because he's pretty much just playing himself but with a different name), the one-liners of Liz (the ever-funny Tina Fey) and the unashamed, uncaring businesslike mannerisms of Jack (Alec Baldwin, who sparkles in the role. No wonder he's won so many Emmys).

After seeing the first two episodes (I still have the third one taped) I can safely say that it could be a bonanza season for a show that's never really dipped in form at any time: the ongoing storyline of trying to get a new cast member should prove to be comedy gold.

If you haven't already seen it, then check it out: hopefully you won't be disappointed!

SCG: Branching Out!

2010-05-01T03:52:00.001-07:00

Hey guys! You can now become a fan of my personal page on Facebook! Exciting times! If you want to do so, just click on my badge to the right of this and if you do become a fan then I'll respect you forever - seriously, at the minute I don't have any fans so I'll really appreciate your support in this new endeavour. Hopefully you'll get your friends to follow me as well so we can have an even bigger community here on SCG.

Thank guys!

Faux Fur Feelings

2010-04-29T11:19:00.001-07:00

It's been a bit of a bonanza week for me (yes, yes, I'm well aware it's only Tuesday but I'm counting back to last week)! Among my many CD purchases I've actually gone out and bought some clothes - it has to be said at this point that I don't go out and buy clothes every week like some people. My reasons for this are that a.) I don't have the money to spend lavishly like that and b.) my wardrobe wouldn't be able to handle the bulge if I did. But alongside some much nedded jeggings (you know, those jean-look leggings that are ultra comfortable and cheap), I picked up this little number:

It's not real fur, obviously! I'm not like that but for some reason this hip-length three-quarter sleeved leopard print jacket really appealed to me. After wearing it to work yesterday I found an extra use for it too: it keeps you really, really warm. Sweltering at one point actually but maybe that was because I was pegging it to actually get to work after a business-related detour. Oh, and it feels lovely. And it was half-price! Bargain! So I guess the big question really is if you really want to wear this coat like me or is it just that little bit too... OTT? Of course, I think it's fabulous - what about you?

Salad: Let the Boredom Commence!

2010-04-28T03:38:00.001-07:00

So yesterday I decided to be good and try and slightly healthier dinner than normal. I'm not going around eating subs and having fast food every lunchtime (actually it's completely the opposite, I normally just have cheese and biscuits) but yesterday I had the niggling feeling that I wasn't getting enough greens. This resulted in me making this:

It's a cheese, lettuce and red pepper sandwich,with all the goodness probably taken out of it by the fact that I've put it on a white crusty roll. Anyway, I have absolutely nothing against lettuce in a sandwich - this actually turned out to be quite yummy with the cheese. The thing I struggled with here was the peppers. Now, I love peppers when they're cooked: they're succulent, juicy and not boring at all. But that awful crunchiness and rawness just didn't do it for me here: it wasn't anywhere near as bad as raw tomatoes but.... ergh. Conclusion: lettuce good, raw peppers baaad. Now I have been trying to get some extra vitamins in by drinking pure fruit juice:

Don't kill me: that really is crisps behind that glass of cranberry juice. Well, I did say I was trying, and not necessarily succeeding! The cranberry juice is actually a lot less bitter with every glass you have altough this variety is particularly weak. My favourite type at the minute is apple and raspberry juice, and if I could get all my daily vitamins and minerals just from drinking that it would really save me the trouble of trying to choke down various bits of boring salad... But that's not going to happen. At least I didn't have the sugar-fest that is coronation chicken though:

This was my mam's creation. After a comment from myself that my sandwich looked a bit like Pacman, she decided it would be a good idea to go one better and put button mushrooms on the top of the bun to give it googly eyes. Well, maybe the sweetness of that chicken will cancel out the goodness of the mushrooms...

Whip It: Pre Release Speculation

2010-03-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

On April 7th, Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, Whip It, will be released in the UK. Unlike what it might suggest, Whip It is actually the tale of Bliss (Ellen Page), a teenager who pleases her mother (Marcia Gay Harden) by entering beauty pageants. She takes up roller derby and takes on the name Babe Ruthless. Thanks to her skating skills, the Hurl Scouts - who always come last - turn their fortunes around and steadily climb up the league. However, her mother eventually finds out about her new-found passion.

Now, all of this sounds strangely predictable - you might think that this is just going to be one of those films where a teenage girl finds her place in the world, hits a little bump in the road and then it all turns out just fine in the end. Well, maybe not. According to some reports, it's not going to be as straightforward as it sounds. Well, any film that combines a teenage drama, a romance and full-contact sport has to has some twists in it right? Right? Well, we'll just have to wait and see.

Barrymore's directorial skill is apparently a highlight of the film, as she always knows the best place to put the camera and the most effective way to shoot the high-speed roller-derby scenes. Ellen Page is also likely to put in another great performance - she lights up pretty much every film she's in (okay, I'm a bit of a fan, then). Plus it features the talents of Kristen Wiig, a very funny woman who livened up Saturday Night Live and was oddly hilarious in Adventureland (even though she was only in it now and then!). All in all, Whip It looks like it could be a great night out - watch this space.

Denim, Denim and Even More Denim

2010-03-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

Fashion industry insiders have predicted that one of the big trends coming up in the next season will be denim (but I guess you've already worked that out). But come on, do we really need another coming of denim?

Remember when everyone seemed to go around in denim jackets and jeans (oversized too, I might add) and it was all really tacky and awful? Well I think that's what some insiders are aiming for with this re-emergence people. I'm already seeing some poor souls walking around in denim jackets that are at least two sizes too big for them, frankly making them look closer to a beer barrel than a human being. I dread to thin what might happen if this is combined with a re-emergence of stonewashed jeans in the (hopefully not) near future.
Of course we will ge a lot more denim dresses too, as shown in my pic above - this will range from shapeless balloons like item E above, to more classic designs with a denim "look" rather than using the actual material. Topshop have already had a few dresses of this nature in over the past few months, the best of which (this is, the best if I really had to choose one) being a short dress with shaped cups around the breast area, giving it a more structured, fashionable shape.
But I don't think I'll be going in for any of this denim nonsense - it could all go horribly wrong, and I don't think anyone should be subjected to that. Be careful if you want to follow this trend.

Baking: Cornish Pasties

2010-03-16T04:42:00.000-07:00

Makes about 8

Difficulty: Medium

Ingredients

For the pastry:

450g of plain flour
2 teaspoons of baking powder
Salt to taste
120g of unsalted butter
2 free-range egg yolks
Water
1 beaten egg for glazing

For the filling:

50g of swede, finely chopped
150g of potato, peeled and cut into cubes
50g of carrots, peeled and cut into cubes
50g of onion, finely chopped
100g of lean beef mince
1 tablespoon of parsley (or more, depending on how herby you want the nix to be)
Salt and pepper to taste

Method

For the pastry, rub the flour, baking powder, salt and butter together with your fingers until it looks like breadcrumbs
Add the egg yolks and mix in until it looks like breadcumbs again
Gradually mix in the water, a tablespoon at a time, until the ingredients come together in a dough
Roll the dough into a ball, put cling film over the top of the bowl and then place in the fridge for an hour
Meanwhile, for the filling, bring a pan of salted water to the boil (the pan might need to be a decent size to get all of the vegetables in it)
When it is boiling, add the swede, potato and carrot and cook for 4-5 minutes until tender
Drain the pan well
In a separate pan, brown the beef mince and then mix in the onions
Add the tender vegetables and stir around again
Season well with salt and pepper and add as much parsley as you want
Take the mix off the heat
Pre-heat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas Mark 4
If an hour has passed, roll out the pastry on a clean, floured work surface
Cut medium sized discs out of the pastry - using a saucer as a guide is the easiest way to do this
Place some of the filling in the middle of the discs - don't go overboard or you won't be able to close up the pastry!
Brush the edge of the discs with some of the beaten egg
Draw the edges of the pastry together and then crimp them with your fingers to seal it up (see the photo above to get the idea of the effect this gives)
After doing this, brush the pastry with the beaten egg to give it a golden glaze
Place on to a baking tray and bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes or until golden-brown

Baking: Coffee Streusel Cake

2010-03-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

Difficulty: Medium

Ingredients:
For the Sponge:

Butter, for greasing
275g of plain flour
1 tablespoon of baking powder
75g of caster sugar (this isn't a lot and the cake isn't sweet, so if you want to add more to suit your sweet tooth then go ahead!)
150ml of milk
2 eggs
100g of butter, melted and cooled (it's very important that the butter has properly cooled!)
2 tablespoons of instant coffee mixed with one tablespoon of boiling water (or add more coffee if you want the taste to be stronger)
50g of almonds, chopped
Icing sugar for dusting

For the topping:

75g of self-raising flour
75g of demerara sugar
2 tablespoons of butter, cut into small pieces
1 teaspoon of ground mixed spice
1 tablespoon of water

Method

Grease a 23cm/9 inch loose-bottomed roud cake tin with a little butter and line the base with baking paper
Pre-heat the oven to 190C/375F/Gas Mark 5
Sift the flour and baking powder into a large mixing bowl and then stir in the caster sugar
Whisk the milk, eggs, melted butter and coffee mixture together and pour into the dry ingredients
Add the chopped almonds and mix lightly together until a cake mix is formed
Spoon the mixture into the tin - don't put it into the oven yet!
To make the topping, mix toether the SR flour and demerara sugar
Add the butter and mix together with your fingers until the mix is crumbly
Sprinkle in the ground mixed spice and the water
Bring the mixture together into loose crumbs - this is the tricky bit, and you might have to use a knife. Don't worry if the mix is too stodgy, just keep adding small amounts of SR flour until the mix is less stodgy. Mine wasn't really dry, but as long as it's a little crumbly in texture it should be fine
Sprinnkle the topping evenly over the surface of the cake mixture in the tin
Bake the cake in the pre-heated oven for one hour - keep an eye on the topping and if it's browning too quickly, cover it loosely with tin foil
After it is baked, leave to cool thoroughly in the tin, then turn out - don't forget to take the greaseproof paper off the bottom of the cake!
Dust with icing sugar to finish

FF + iPod = Hours of Amazingness

2010-03-16T04:32:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago SquareEnix - the company behind the Final Fantasy series - made the first two games in the franchise available to buy in the iTunes store. This prompted a lot of comments like "I had no idea these were coming to iPod" and "this is the best game I've ever bought for my iPod". It also had some angry, rather ungrateful people saying "£5.49? What a rip off!" Well, consider that these games take hours - possibly 50+ hours - to complete, and then think about the amount of time it takes to complete any other games on the store. I think that might just be value for money, if you stick with it.

Anyways, it was a pleasant surprise: I bought them as soon as I could get my hands on a gift card (hey, you wouldn't dare let me loose on there, would you?) and neither of them have been a disappointment. Some people have complained about the controls but I think they're seamless - my only criticism is that some people might find the battle and menu text a little too small but it's definitely not unreadable. The improved save feature lets you save your progress whenever, wherever (except in battle) so you could even just have a quick battle or two when waiting somewhere and not lose any data. This is definitely not coming off my App List for a loooong time.

Kick-Ass: The Pre-Release Speculation

2010-02-28T06:54:00.000-08:00

A lot has been made of the upcoming release of comedic, ultraviolent comic-book flick Kick-Ass (particularly in Empire: subscribers have been bombarded with images of the eponymous hero - pictured above - for months now). But will it live up to the wacky premise when the film is released on April 2?
It stars Aaron Johnson as Dave Lizewski, a hapless teen who decides to try and be more of a man by fighting crime as a costumed vigilante named Kick-Ass. He becomes an internet phenomenon and quickly finds that being a superhero can get you into some serious bother when he gets on the wrong side of a ruthless mobster. Luckily, he meets two genuine superheroes, Big Daddy (played by Nicholas Cage) and his eleven-year-old daughter Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz).
Just how hilarious and enjoyable it is remains to be seen but for those of us who have been battered with messages and advertising for Kick-Ass will be relieved when its release comes around - even if it's just so we can get around to the next big thing (Iron Man 2 or Clash of the Titans, anyone?)! Perhaps Kick-Ass will turn out to be Kill Bill with more laughs. You know, so OTT that it doesn't matter how violent the action is and so obviously a parody that it's oddly satisfying (even though it really is based on a real comic book). No doubt it will be one of those marmite films - true fans of the comic book genre will probably hate it for being so wildly different while others will love it for its bare-faced audacity. I hope I fall into the latter category, since I'm not overly convinced with the whole comic-book thing (it's a bit like the film versions of video games: will they ever make a good one?)

Stand by for more come April...

Beige: Not the New Black?

2010-02-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

Nude is back. Luckily this is nude shades and not the other more chilly kind. Nude can be described in many different ways: tan, sand, stone, camel, skin-tone, magnolia and, of course, beige. Yes, beige. How would've thought it? It's certainly not vibrant and it's certainly not, as they say in the fashion world, "editorial" (this means completely bonkers, in case you were wondering). It's really rather safe, as you can see above.

But "safe" does not necessarily translate in to meaning "wearable". Think about it: despite the many shades of beige that are on display above, the only model who doesn't look washed-out is the one second to the left. Now, models are classically a lot paler than average people because it's easier to work with a blank canvas, so you might say "so what?" Well, I think that beige will have the same problem as yellow - unless you've had more UV exposure than recommended, it's just going to make you look sallow and strange.

Beige trousers may be your best bet if you want to follow this trend - teaming it with something more colourful on the top will help to balance your complexion and not make you look like a ghost walking down the high-street. Unfortunately, I'm probably too pale to do this too! Shock!

Beige will not be the new black - everyone feels good in black, and anyone who says they don't must be lying so they don't look like they're following the crowd. Even pale little old me feels good in my black cocktail dress, whereas I'd just feel bare and need a bottle of fake tan to make me feel even half as good in beige, or magnolia, or sandstone.

Decide for yourself whether this trend is the best thing to ever happen: I know a lot of people hate bright colours with a vengeance so no doubt there'll be loads of peeps out there who'll feel comfortable wearing sand-coloured clothes. Just don't expect to see me stepping out in beige.

Saturday Cooking: Welsh Cakes

2010-02-27T06:09:00.000-08:00

I've made these Welsh Cakes a few times now and they've always turned out perfectly. Sorry that this is on a Saturday: I made fish cakes yesterday but had no battery in my camera so couldn't take a photo to show that the recipe actually works! Don't worry, I'll post it in the near future when I make them again. In the mean time try these, they're absolutely gorgeous and the recipe makes around 15-18 for the thickness you can roughly see in the photo.

Ingredients

250g of plain flour

1.25 teaspoons of baking powder

125g of butter cut into small pieces

112.5g of caster sugar (I worked this out from a conversion but don't be exact, I never am and it's always okay!)

Sultanas - as many or as little as you want but don't go overboard or the mixture won't clump together

1 beaten egg

2-3 tablespoons of milk

Method

Sieve the flour, baking powder and caster sugar into a large mixing bowl
Add the butter and rubb together with your fingers
Add the sultanas
Make a well in the dry ingredients
Add the beaten egg and the milk and using a bread knife 'cut' the ingredients together
Flour a cool, hard surface and place the mixture on to it
Roll out to your desired thickness and cut out using a cutter. Keep repeating steps 6 and 7 until you can't get any more cakes out of the mixture (we don't want any waste!)
Dry cook on heavy bottomed griddle with a low heat until nicely browned on both sides. If you're unsure of when they're cooked, split one open to see if they're cooked through. Also, don't worry if they look a little burnt on the top and bottom - it doesn't make an ounce of difference to the taste!
If you want, you could add a little cinammon or nutmeg for an extra kick. It's more traditional to dust them with caster sugar though!

Well I hope you'll be successful with this recipe as I have been!

Razzies: Time For the Anti-Oscars

2010-02-02T04:30:00.000-08:00

The Razzies have been going for years now, "celebrating" the very worst of cinema, naming and shaming the worst offenders in many different categories. The Razzie Foundation has named 2009 "a banner year for terrible movies" and, judging by their nominations for worst film they're probably right. Here's their list, loving compiled. Have a bit of fun and see if you can guess just which one of these is truly the most awful film of the year.

Worst Film of 2009

All About Steve
GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra
Land of the Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Personally I would like to see Transformers "win" in this category - you don't even have to watch the movie to see that it's a shoddy attempt to get some explosions and rubbish jokes on screen. Of course, some people might really love Transformers and the first one isn't supposed to be that bad...

In a double-whammy of awfulness, Empire readers have also named Batman and Robin the worst movie of all time - it's strange how a film with such a lot of talent could turn out so... wrong. This is what Anthony Lane of The New Yorker said of the film:

"[The cast] is quite a line up, boasting a broad range of dramatic styles, and what lends the movie cohesion and intergrity is the fact that all those involved have come up with their worst imaginable performances... You sit there feeling brain-damaged and parying for the mayhem to cease."

Ooh, that's quite damning....

Baking Friday (On A Sunday)

2009-12-06T06:50:00.000-08:00

This photo I took makes my buns look like they're just floating in space, doesn't it? Admittedly, these little cakes are nothing special and were the result of panicking after a batch of flapjacks had gone seriously wrong (I over-buttered the tin, and my mixture was too sticky and watery to solidify). Still, this isn't too bad of a result for panic-baking - it felt like an episode of Ready Steady Cook with the annoying music and the audience doing the countdown from ten to one. I don't think it's bad, considering I can't bake to save my life.

Even though I'm blogging about this on a Sunday, it will actually be a Friday feature (er, I finished these at an awkward time on Friday night and didn't upload the photo until yesterday, so let me off the hook!). I was going to post the recipe, but I'm sure most people can bake a very simple cake mixture.... I hope. The real reason is that I've forgotten the exact amounts of S.R. flour, sugar and butter needed, even though they're written down and I improvised the technique without a recipe book.

When I get the recipe properly, I'll edit the post so you know.

Next week, Orange Biscuits. Hopefully.

Falafels: The Nation's Favourite!

2009-09-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

Get me a towel! I love falafels and this little bit of falafel-on-pitta action is very tempting. It's too bad that falafels are hard to come by as it has been well documented that kebabs (donner kebabs) are the nation's favourite when it comes to takeaways after a night out.

Currently, the only place where I can get my hands on a few slices of the slightly dry, vegetably, bhaji-esque treat is in Pret-a-Manger where they do a lovely wrap with sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese. The red onions aren't that great though.

But this might all be about to change! A recent report says that falafels are increasing in popularity after the increase in the number of Middle-Eastern restaurants and takeaways in the country. Hopefully this will mean that I will have easy access to falafels in the near future - it is my belief that they have to be better for you than a kebab which contains a mass of connective tissue.

I still love a kebab though. I don't care about the contents.

Waking Up To The Smell

2009-08-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Soon David Mitchell and Robert Webb will release their book, inventively titled "This Mitchell and Webb Book". I suppose the lack of thought put into the title suggests a quiet humour and the fact that they don't want to gloss over any of their thoughts about various subjects in order to please certain people - nicely refreshing.

Anyways, I've read some of the extracts from the book, including Mitchell's view on coffee. Surprisingly, I found myself agreeing with much of what he says. I'm surprised because I never thought I'd ever have much in common with the slightly odd, chipmunk-like comedian but apparently we share very similar views on one of the world's favourite hot beverages.

British people are very partial to a nice cup of tea (or a brew as I now like to call it in a tongue-in-cheek attempt to make myself seem more common than I really am) - in the past year I have moved slowly and steadily from loving a nice cup of fairly strong coffee to wanting nothing more than a fairly strong mug of tea. Not decaffeinated, as I used to drink my coffee though. Maybe it is the presence of this caffeine that makes me, like Mitchell, think that a coffee is highly unsatisfying. Maybe it's the way that coffee is made in cafes that makes it seem like tea's pretentious and snooty second-cousin. Does anyone else think that adding even the tiniest bit of extra milk to coffee gives it a slightly silt-like texture that sticks to the sides of your mouth?

Now, I still like a cappuccino when I'm out and about but I've never been into lattes or mochas or any of those syrup toppings you can get. I've had a frappuccino out of curiosity - from Starbucks no less, something that I feel highly guilty about to this day. It was disappointing to say the least - ice with cold coffee on the top and although it was refreshing on a warm day during the walk back to work, it was hardly worth the money I paid for it. I have also tried a mocha before but I found that it was the slightly insipid and tedious version of a voluptuous hot chocolate - that's hot chocolate made with water; if I compared the mocha to a full-fat milk hot choc then the mocha would be the resume who is put straight in the bin when applying for a top job. Yes, I found it that terrible.

I don't understand the concept of being coffee-literate either. In this way I would never make a good PA. People who require a PA tend to like complicated coffees, something along the lines of a double triple decaf-caff mocha semi-skim latte with 1/3 cream and almond syrup, whipped on top and a dash of chocolate sprinkles. I know people adjust to the needs of their boss but I couldn't do it - I would spend half an hour writing it down and another half hour ordering it while trying to fend off the questions about what else I would like. By which time I would be fired. And thrown out of the premises.

Yes, like Mitchell I would just like a nice brew. It's simple, satisfying and unpretentious. I don't want to smell the coffee.

PS. Sorry for all of the problems with the spacing on blogger lately - there's nothing I can do but wait for a reply from the Blogger people and hope for the best since I've tried everything else! Hope this doesn't affect your ability to read the articles - I know how annoying it is reading unspaced text!

Away From Desk

2009-06-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Er, this blogging desk anyway, at least for the next couple of weeks while I get some stuff sorted out. It's been a bit of a madhouse and yesterday I was feeling guilty that I hadn't written anything on either one of my blogs for a good couple of weeks at least. But I promise that this summer I will be blogging a lot more frequently.

Yes that's a promise. And I won't go back on it. xx

It Could've Worked On Me!

2009-05-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, Pot Noodles! Admittedly, I haven't had one in so many years and probably with good reason - the rice curry ones are a bit vile really and the only flavour I like is the beef ones. Oh, the sweet chili or sweet and sour ones are nice too but my stomach has shrunk dramatically over the years (completely natural! It just sort of happened as time went on and my eyes shrunk simultaneously) and I was no longer able to eat a full pot. So that's why I don't eat them any more.

At least, until now. Okay, this isn't really going to make me buy a Pot Noodle but hey, it's so hilarious that I would buy a sympathy pot, put it in the cupboard and think of the odd parodies every time I stared at it.

Curious yet? Well, peeps living in the UK might not have seen this advert either. There's actually two of them but they never get shown - while watching the third X-Men on Film4 the other week it was never off but since then (and since I've said to everyone "Have you seen that Pot Noodle advert?!") it hasn't been shown! Okay just the once on LFC TV but it's not exactly overwhelmingly commercial is it?

Well now I'm going to subject you all to the kebab advert! It's very Flight Of The Conchords:

On the subject of the Conchords, they're back tomorrow on Beeb 4! The songs have supposedly gone off the boil but from the clips, I'm not so sure! Here's a clip from their first series, their Pet Shop Boys parody "Inner City Pressure":

I do love a good late-night post. They always end up being the best!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-07T03:03:00.000-07:00

I think I'm a fan of the X-Men series and I don't know why. Normally I dislike action films and wouldn't dare watch one but I own the first on DVD and I have been watching the others curiously, thinking to myself "I know I don't like films like this, so why do I like this series?"

Well, maybe it's because there's some sort of moral or ethical question lying underneath there somewhere. So when I went to see the latest installment - er, well, prequel - I was looking forward to it. And I wasn't that disappointed.

I say this almost half-heartedly, because the storyline was nicely put together and explained some things about why Logan acts in the way he does in the original X-Men trilogy. No, the narrative was fine. Except I don't like sentimentality. It gets a little overly sentimental at times, which I suppose is needed for the story to make sense but, you know, it puts you off the action.

Here's why I'm half-hearted: well, there's actually two reasons. Firstly, Hugh Jackman. What the heck happened to the wise-cracking, cigar-smoking, almost playful Wolverine that we saw in the original series? I read another review of this on the NME blog and the guy who writes on the Movie Projector was dead on - in this film, Jackman only acts with the scowly face and the constipated face. Sorry Hugh, but some variation in your mood might have been nice. After all, you're supposed to be a happy lumberjack in the first half hour of so! Couldn't you have least have looked like you were leading a normal life? At some points it's hard to imagine how the Wolverine we all loved from the trilogy was born from this raging beast...

Secondly, and there could be a good reason for this, the CGI. It was flawless, and I mean flawless, in the trilogy, but here it's laboured and so fake that it looks like someone banged it together in a back room in a spare half hour. The best CGI is saved for Victor's claws - his claws, yes. Now if they paid so much attention to detail here how come Wolverine's adamantine claws look so fake? In the scene in the farmer's bathroom where he's coming to terms with his transformation, the metal doesn't blend with his skin at all - it looks like the claws have been stuck on. The terrible blue colour is also highly off-putting.

Then in the scene where our hero explodes the helicopter, the fire and carnage is so blindingly, obviously placed on to a green screen that you wonder if the setting is even real. And then the final sequence should have been flawless. And yes, Weapon Eleven does look pretty real (I'll give them that) but the effects on the powers and again, the setting, is so tacked on that it's cringe-worthy. Wolverine and his enemy are standing there and the sky is.... not there. Because they're standing in front of a green screen!!! Argh!!

Maybe I'm not being fair. After all, it's possible to say that because of the massive leak that happened with the movie that they had to put everything together quickly before the film lost its Box Office weight. Can't spend millions on a movie without expecting to get millions back, can you? Perhaps the leak hasn't done anyone a favour.

To pick on some of the positives, some of the acting aside from Hugh Jackman is solid and somewhat engaging if a little dry. Perhaps the introduction of fan's favourite Gambit was a good move. But we needed more Gambit. He was the friendliest character by far: likeable, cheeky and with some pretty cool powers (using a staff - lovely stuff to an RPG nut like me). We probably needed a bit more from Cyclops as well. He's on the poster and yet only appears for the best part of, oh, seven minutes? And never once does he wear those special specs. That's false advertising!

This film would have benefited from a less clunky script, a better lead performance and some more time spent on integrating the CGI. The storyline was good and, presuming you'd seen the trilogy beforehand, left no plotholes. But despite some good action sequences I was left slightly flat because of all the technical difficulties. Get your claws into it if you want, but it's a real disappointment in comparison to the first three films.

Sorry about the bunchy-up writing again. I've tried everything to get rid of it!

Heels! Heels!

2009-04-18T02:55:00.000-07:00

I was recently bought a pair of purple wedges with a platform and a straw-like heel. I'm told that having just the one colour on a shoe is not up-to-date, as a venture in my favourite shoe shops tell me.

So no, unfortunately they aren't these lovely structural Dior catwalk beauties but I could never walk in these anyway - phantom wedge or not. But does anyone else have a problem that heels are too difficult to walk in? Some fit snugly when you try them on and so you think that you'll be walking gracefully down the street in a pair of beauties.

But then you realise that the cobbled street outside probably isn't going to help your balance and you don't want to be falling over constantly like some klutz so you mournfully put the shoes back. I possess only two pairs of true heels and one of them might not count. Firstly, a tenner's worth of black patent Primark (yeah, yeah) courts with four inches of heel and the second are a reduced-price pair of Office black suede ankle boots with a funky round-the-foot zip and a three-inch heel, no platform on either.

The ankle boots have been recently worn but that was the first time since going to see Neon Neon in November where I danced so much that my feet swelled up and looked rather abnormal. I can't even remember the last time I wore the courts.

I think my point is that wedges are the way to go - I can walk in mine comfortably (but without pop-socks, they make my ankles too slippery!) and without the fuss of heels. Heels are now renamed hells. And I don't care what people say about wedges making your legs and ankles look fat - at least I won't be injuring myself 24/7.

Japan: Still Hidden

2009-04-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

Oh God, how disappointed am I? I've been pretty seriously ill over the last few weeks and the one of the only things that has kept me mildly sane is the "Hidden Japan" season on Beeb 4. Now, when they said "season" did they mean a good few weeks jam-packed with programming? Like bells they did!

What we actually got was three hour-long documentaries and a couple of films shown late at night. That was it. Seriously. "In Search of Wabi-Sabi" featured the brother of Louis Theroux making slightly embarrassed faces in maid cafes and struggling to keep up with the intensive rituals of monks. Next was "Fish! A Japanese Obsession" which was a little more interesting (oddly, as I have no real interest in fish besides eating a bit of salmon now and again). This examined everything from the eating of fish to the breeding of Koi Carp and fishing for points (hey, now I know where they got the idea for Zelda fishing from!). Finally there was the illuminating "Japan: A Story of Love and Hate" which followed the life of 50-something Naoki and his 20-something girlfriend Yoshie as they battled against poverty - as he puts it "this isn't special poor, this is normal poor in Japan." I guess you just had to see it to believe it - I knew that Japanese houses and apartments were small but this one really took the mickey.

These 3 shows coupled with a Japanese word of the day that seemed to poke a little fun at the Japanese terms for phrases we had here was all I got. I've had a lifetime fascination with Japan and this is all the Beeb are giving me? I thought that they might explore manga and anime, look deeper into the weird idiosyncratic shops and rituals that they have, even explore the language of Japanese.... anything more than we got!!

Ah well, I guess I'll just have to wait until the next time they show anything mildly interesting about the country.

Gastronomic: Part Two

2009-03-12T02:48:00.000-07:00

Ah, what a difference a week makes! No sooner had I watched in awe at "Heston's Victorian Feast" that I find out that Mr. Blumenthal's restaurant had been closed down because 400 customers complained of feeling ill!

So cue the jokes in the second of the series - a Medieval Feast. At some point during the initial history part, the Black Death was mentioned and suddenly from the corner I heard "Is that what you're gonna be serving in your restaurant then?"

It was funny, if in slightly bad taste (but then again I laugh at the strangest of things). But alas, no Black Death was served. Instead for appetisers there was Meat Fruit. Yep, meat disguised cleverly and convincingly like fruit. The plums were the least appetising (made out of an ingredient you're likely to see on something like I'm A Celebrity... 'nuff said). But the parma ham grapes sounded nice, I would've eaten that.

Oh, but the starter was vile! Blood sucking lamprey! Urgh! Even the guests couldn't stomach it - the raw head and tail were put either side of a griddled middle piece with the spinal cords of the little monsters fried and served as a garnish. Blech. Blood sauce as well. Double blech.

The main course looked at sounded nice. Pigeon pie baked the Medieval way. I.e. inedible crust but everything else about it seemed quite nice. At least until I realised how it was going to be presented. There is a showpiece for every one of these installments, and this week it was four and twenty blackbirds baked live in a pie. Only Heston replaced them with pigeons since blackbirds are now endangered. So, crust baked using some industrial equipment (steamrollers, cement mixers etc - it was one heck of a big pie!) he started putting the pigeons under the crust. When it came out and the lid was removed the birds flew everywhere.... and the dinner was taken out from the big pie. I don't know about anyone else but I wouldn't want to be eating a pie that's been near any sort of bird, let alone a pigeon (what if it hadn't emptied its bowels in a little while - actually one of the birds did on one of the guests' heads).

Dessert was clever but incredibly messy. Edible tablewear served with pork pie. Yeah, pork pie. Not real pork you'll understand but faux-mincemeat made from rasberry sorbet and vanilla ice-cream, strained through a grid and solidified with liquid nitrogen. Aha, really. Still, I wouldn't want to eat the crust which appeared to be a real pork-pie crust instead of a sweet treat.

Ooh, I can't wait for the exploding cockatrice next week!

Gastronomic

2009-03-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

This is an image of some normal food - to me this looks like a little bit of steak with some mash potato or pastry placed on the top with a tomato and cream sauce (ooh, getting hungry!)

Now imagine this - absinthe and strawberry jelly, turned luminescent green and wobbling backwards and forwards thanks to the help of... four stripped down vibrators. Yes, really. But then, what would you really expect from pioneering yet insanely strange gastronome Heston Blumenthal?

The jelly was just the dessert in his show, Heston's Victorian Feast, based on the Mad Hatter's Tea Party and other elements from Alice In Wonderland. The appetiser was based on the Drink-Me Potion that turned Alice small. So he managed to find some way to separate six pink fluids, flavoured like pineapple, burnt toast, turkey (and I shockingly can't remember the others), and keep them separate in a strange shaped glass so that it wasn't a taste disaster. But still, surely creating mock turtle soup that is made like a cup of tea is going a bit far? Well, apparently not: for the main course there came an entirely edible garden. Everything from the soil to the pebbles was designed to be eaten. And that included a variety of insects such as worms, locusts and wasps filled with a tomato paste using a syringe.

Perhaps the most interesting part of this show though was the fact that he mixed the production and eating of the food with little interjections about the history of the different foods, showing where his inspiration had come from. It was quite fascinating seeing what the Victorians ate, who ate it and what it believed it would do to them and society. For instance, in the hard economic times of the Victorian age, insects were suggested as food because they were in vast supply in the country! Wonderful bites of trivia!

Oh, everyone who is able MUST tune in next Thursday to watch his Medieval Feast - it promises to be the same mix of OTT gastronomy and informative nuggets!

Confessions Of A Shopaholic/ He's Just Not That Into You

2009-03-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

Hmm, so against every moral film bone in my body I have seen both "Confessions of a Shopaholic" and "He's Just Not That Into You" in the past couple of weeks. And I am afraid to say that I actually enjoyed "Confessions"! Shock horror!

So here's the reason why... okay, I don't have a reason why - Rebecca is a silly clothes-obsessed woman that is daft and in massively in debt. Hmmm, nice portrayal of women there Miss Kinsella... Still, it's light and frothy and since I was feeling so awful that day Isla Fisher's performance actually put a smile on my face. And I deny anyone to say that the Miami dancing scene isn't hilarious - the woman sitting next to me (not my friend, a person I didn't know) was in so much of a kink that she nearly keeled over on the floor. It's quite sweet as well - she does sell all of her clothes collection to pay off her debts and prove to the man that she loves that he means more to her tan Prada and Gucci (although they were an odd match... he wasn't anything like her at all!)

So then on to "He's Just Not That Into You", which is not nearly as insightful as it believes it is - after all, doesn't nearly every girl realise that boys hitting you really means that they hate you rather than like you? Well, this is the "revealing" segment that the film begins on. The stories with Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Connoly in them are quite tedious and predictable, but Gigi's story is quite funny (I liked her, she was a little bit like me), and Drew Barrymore is very likeable. Actually, she probably didn't get enough screen time. All of the stories were linked, so you had to work out who was seeing who and manipulating who etc.

The best part, actually, was after the little titles introducing the various segments of the storyline (when he's not calling you, when he's not sleeping with you etc.) Here, semi-known celebs such as that woman who plays Angela Petrelli in Heroes (know what I mean about semi-known now?) reveal some little stories that link to the title of that particular segment. This was the most inventive part of the filming. This was the only part that felt more independent movie-maker rather than big-bucks Hollywood rom-com.

Still, both films are enjoyable as part of a night out - best enjoyed chilled with friends on a gloomy day (rain, depression, whatever) and preferrably with a bag of popcorn to chow down on!

Lazy Post... But I Think You'll Laugh

2009-02-18T07:40:00.000-08:00

Why is this post going to be really lazy but funny? Well, this little bold bit is the only piece that I'M actually writing, and the rest, including the pic, has been nicked from the Empire Blog - I sent this to my mum and she agreed. Hopefully you'll laugh and nod at the same time too!

I am, I think it’s fair to say, what you could describe as a cinema fascist. For me a trip to the local multiplex isn’t so much a night of enjoyment but an endless litany of irritations, injustices and insults perpetrated against my person by the general public. I suppose it’s an inevitable side effect of spending the better part of a decade being coddled by private studio screenings where we’re presented with nibbles, wine and the occasional Pret sandwich tray.

Such screenings, where you're often one of only a handful present, have become the norm in my mind, so you can imagine the horror when I’m occasionally dropped headfirst into the howling, sticky sea of degradation and depravity that is your average fleapit performance. Frankly, it makes me want to have a shower. And then kill everyone in the room. And then have another one to wash the gore off my hands. An overreaction? Possibly, but why, I ask you, do people go to the cinema when they clearly have no interest in actually watching the movie?

But I’m getting off track. Having been scarred by years of public cinemagoing as a civilian before finally finding solace at the bosom of Empire, i think it's time that something was done to improve the cinemagoing experience. I propose that we all unite to draw up a list of cinemagoing commandments (enforceable by some kind of nasty biblical torture), to which anyone viewing a film in a public place must adhere. It should go something like this:

1. Thou shalt not have stupid trendy hair that sticketh up and obscureth my view

All cinema patrons should be required, on pain of buzz cut, to sport a sensible haircut whereby the hair itself stays flat upon the scalp. Regardless of how much you think you look like that muppet from McFly, I do not need to spend half the film trying to peer past congealing spires of hair gel thank you so very much. The same goes for headwear – caps off when you sit down. And no, I don’t care if it’s street or cool or you’ve left the tags on to make it look like you stole it.While not a commandment in its own right, a sub-directive of this should be something along the lines of thou shalt not sit bolt upright unlest thou sufferest from some kind of chiropractic condition. Headwear or no, cinema seat backs are high for a reason: you’re meant to slouch. This is in part so you can enjoy the slobbish act of watching movies to the full but also so half the movie isn’t projected onto the back of your bloody head. Heed. Doon.

2. Thou shalt not shout encouragement to yonder protagonists

What’s wrong with you? It’s a movie. It’s an entirely one-directional experience and Matt Damon neither needs nor is in any way able to hear your vocal support. If you’re American then you recieve a grudging free pass on this as it seems to be an evolutionary trait caused by generations of watching Jerry Springer, which you're all now powerless to resist. The rest of you keep it zipped, okay?

3. Thou shalt not use sugar-coated chocolates as rudimentary weapons of war

A year ago I was forced to sit through a public performance of Spider-Man 3 (which was unpleasant enough to begin with) only to be struck squarely in the head by some kind of heat-seeking M&M. All I can say is down with this sort of thing! Perhaps I’m still scarred by an incident at the Harrow Granada in the late 80s when some muscled gorilla called Len came up and accused the 11-year-old me of doing something similar. I hadn’t, but that didn’t stop him from using my head as a knuckle warmer. The fact that his girlfriend later dragged him over to apologise did not make me feel a great deal better.

4. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's cupholder

Your bag of Minstrels does not outrank mine and you will not use the cupholders on both sides of your seat no matter how many snack food items you’re juggling. If you go both ways then some poor bugger is going to end up with a beverage perched precariously on his lap and that’s just an accident waiting to happen. Cup goes in holder, sweets go in lap, it’s the natural order of things and woe betide any who seek to challenge it.

5. Thou shalt not skulk around the back of the screen wearing night vision goggles

Are you in Splinter Cell? No? Then what on Earth are you doing? You look like a tit. Yes, I’m aware that the threat of movie piracy hangs above society like a headsman’s axe and if Harry Potter 7 ends up on the Internet before it's released in the cinema than the whole of reality will implode on itself, but do we really need the bloody SAS glaring at us throughout the feature? What are they going to do if they catch someone anyway? Drag them outside and put two in the back of their head? I’ve got a word for you, it’s called OVERKILL.

6. Thou shalt not use the lavatory whilst the feature is in progress

No, I don’t care if you’ve got a weak bladder, a nervous stomach or you’re on bloody dialysis, there is no excuse for getting up in the middle of the film and thereby forcing your entire row to do the same while you shuffle off to the loo. Just sit there, hold it in and next time don’t drink that four gallon bucket of Coke you indulgent fool.

7. Thou shalt not accept calls from thine drug dealer during the film

Admittedly this one’s a tad specific but it’s nevertheless something I witnessed during a Sunday matinee screening of Fallen (don’t ask) in 1998. Glossing over the imprudence of such an act given that the whole of special branch could have been downing popcorn in the back row, it’s also extremely annoying! That goes for any kind of phone conversation. If it rings you grab frantically at the offending pocket and fumble apologetically until you manage switch the thing off then sit really still for the next minute while hoping no one is staring at you. You do NOT even THINK about answering the accursed thing and ‘catching up’.

8. Thou shalt not purchase individually wrapped sweets on pain of torture

Anything that rustles is enough to provoke a sound beating but to intentionally purchase confectionary that requires crunching, crackling paper before every single mouthful is tantamount to a war crime. Do it at your peril and I’ll see you in The Hague.

9. Thou shalt not talk amongst thyselves no matter how boring thou findest the movie

Just don’t, okay? If you’re not enjoying it then just leave – quietly. I once sat behind two people who nattered all the way through Schindler’s List. It’s about genocide for god’s sake, have some bloody respect. If I told Ian Freer you’d talked through one of Steven’s movies he’d have branded something I can't print on this website across both your bloody foreheads.Also, while we're on the subject of noise, I'd like to add another sub-clause: though shalt not bray like a donkey. f it’s a comedy then by all means feel free to laugh – it’s actually encouraged. Do not, though, howl like some kind of lovesick baboon, thus eclipsing all other sound that’s not currently broadcasting above 20 decibels. This is especially infuriating when what you’re laughing at isn’t actually supposed to be funny, or at least not funny enough to warrant Fanta dribbling from your nostrils.

10. Thou shalt not sit thyself next to or in front of me if the cinema is half empty

This is absolutely non-negotiable. I am not your mother and thus will at no point hold your hand during the movie if you get scared. Bearing this in mind you will not attempt to sit next to me, a complete stranger, when there are plenty of non-adjacent seats elsewhere. You will instead adhere to a minimum three seat buffer around my person at all times unless the cinema is sufficiently crowded that this proves impossible. Likewise you will not place your presumably non-translucent self directly between me and the screen unless all seats outside the direct field of my vision are currently occupied. Should you neglect to follow this directive then I reserve the right to place hard metal objects in any space around me that I see fit, regardless of whether said space is occupied by a part of your anatomy.

I'm sure there are more but it's traditional to stop at ten so I'll leave any further additions up to you. Go forth and preach the gospel! Let us spread the word among the heathens and turn the multiplexes back into the hallowed cathedrals of entertainment they were meant to be. And yes, feel free to burn any heretics who seek to defy you. Amen.

Axed. Again

2009-02-08T05:41:00.000-08:00

Argh - why do the network executives always axe my favourite shows? It must be to annoy me - they know I'm watching and think it'll be funny to get rid of the programme and watch my reaction.

But, in all honesty, I'm not too surprised that Pushing Daisies has been chopped after two series. Actually, I'm very surprised that it got this far! It's a technicolour, strange, hyperactively upbeat show about death and detectives with weird twists, an over-eager narrator and characters so weird you really couldn't have made it up. Still, I like it. I like it because of these elements, all baked into a blueberry pie!

Well, it's just so uplifting really. I like the fact that for once I'm not watching a show that's dark and filled with realism. Pushing Daisies is away with the fairies fun - and it should remain that way to put a smile on peoples' faces for a while to come. But then I accept that not everyone is like me, and not everyone enjoys strange fun like this. In fact, I can't think of many in my company at least.

Ratings... I hate that word!

Coming Through

2009-02-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

The Observer Woman Magazine has finally come through for me. Today, to my slight surprise, was an article about the new generation of women who are desperate to have children - addicted, and have a fetish for it - heck, you only have to look at the case of the woman who had the octuplets to see that. And it was written from the perspective of women who cannot fathom this idea.

I am one such woman. So, as you can imagine, I read this article and agreed with the vast majority of things that were said (apart from the whole going to a dinner party and having to listen to a mother blather on about their experience part, that was lost on me). But then Polly Vernon wrote a quite funny piece on her thoughts on the idea of having children - it was me! She said that she'd made her mind up quite early, same with me, and that she hates the idea of buggies ruling over everyone else walking on pavements - I've been run over too any times to suggest that this is not the case. Buggies hurt.

But there was a more serious, underlying message here. To me it was about how we seem to have regressed from independence to wanting to shackle ourselves to 2.4 kids again like the 50s. I know my friends think I'm crazy, that when I look at a picture of a kid in a book I don't think it's cute or that I feel I want some of my own... well, no! Some of my friends are young, in their teens. And they're planning the day they want to get married and the day they want to have kids. One girl I know even has the names of "her two boys" planned out. The only advantage of this is that we discerned how we both dislike the name David, mostly because of its macho abbreviation Dave. Huh, what? Am I hearing things?

So I think they know that I won't change my mind for love nor money - but I want to live my own life. Do they realise that the work they're putting in now will be eradicated the minute they fall pregnant? On average, women who have had children earn 20% less than those who haven't, divorced women often blame their children for the collapse in their marriage, couples who have children spend more on food for their children than themselves and.... well, they're just unhappy in comparison to childless couples. Or as you may say in America, child-free. I like that term. It's not as discriminatory!

It's a culture thing. And the way you've been brought up, methinks. People look down on childless women, particularly since the whole hype around IVF and hormonal treatments is blown out of the water. Want a kid but are pretty much infertile? Adopt! There's plenty of children out there who need a loving home - plus, you could skip that whole annoying baby stage where they do nothing so that's an added bonus!

Tell me - am I being silly? Am I really a bit of a freak of nature or am I being sensible and looking at the hard facts before rushing into something I know nothing about? This post wasn't meant to condemn mothers - it was meant to highlight the fact that young - very young - women in particular are planning kids and forcing themselves into a strange, ball-and-chain situation by the age of 23. I just don't want that.

And On That Note... 2

2009-01-12T08:01:00.001-08:00

I also read the Agyness Deyn article. Not much to say because there was so little said. A lot about Katie Grand*, her other friends and about Rochdale. And modelling, duh...

And er, not much else. Actually, Deyn didn't get on my nerves half as much as Peaches but it was more the comment at the end of the article that made my rage barometer go off the scales.

"Agyness Deyn is more than just a pretty face"

Read this statement. Now read it again. And again. Think about the ways in which Agyness is NOT just a pretty face... erm.... thin body? Sorry love, but apart from a couple of comments about stick-thin models (of which she is not one, as no bones show and her arms are not like twigs to which I will say my only kudos) you've got nothing about you! You flounce around tea-parties! In pink tea dresses! The only reason this one's famous is because of a.) her name (FYI, it's an anagram of "Deny Gayness") and b.) her style, which is slightly ill-informed but then I like a more tailored, smart-casual look, so what do I know?!

Katie Grand - for those who don't know, she's the editor of bi-annual fashion magazine Pop which is influential in certain circles. I would have been interested just to read it just once to be nosy but we're not that cultured up north. Sorry, but you've gotta admit that we're not!

Peaches

2009-01-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I did it, but yesterday I thought I'd read an article and interview about Peaches Geldof - you know, daughter of Bob who ran away to get married in Vegas, at 19, while only knowing her husband for a month previously (half of which was on Facebook or MySpace, so does that really count?)

Anyway, I don't know if anyone else out there has braved reading this article but it's full of contradictions and hypocritical behaviour. For instance, she claims to not respect the media for the way that she's been treated yet she has become a journalist. And then she goes on to say that she would like deep, meaningful articles but openly admitted to asking stupid questions about cheese in some of her articles.

Hmm.... I think the thing that ticked me off the most is when Peaches said that she'd been offered a place to study English Literature at the University of London and yet smugly said that she'd deferred for a year because she wanted to live the high life in New York. Oh god, I think I nearly died. I don't know what anyone else thinks, but is there a distinct.... smell of being a spoiled brat? Is that just me?

A lot of people have to work madly hard and grind themselves into the ground to get to where they are but Peaches seems to have glided through everything with such ease. I think this is like the episode of the Simpsons (yes, yes, I know, but it's a good reference point) when Homer meets Frank Grimes. Now, if I'm Frank and she's Homer, I'll eventually electrocute myself with rage because of the utter frustration that I feel from seeing someone glide through life without any sort of work involved what-so-ever. To quote: "You're what's wrong with America today!!" or maybe "You've got the house, the family and lobsters for dinner and all I have to show for my years of hard work is a briefcase and this haircut!!"

I'm angry, super-angry. I don't like sleb culture* anyway, but it's weird.... In another section of the paper there was an article about people being snobs towards the working classes and getting into Uni (er, college in America, right?) I think maybe Peaches got there because of who she is rather than what she is. And that's the worst thing about sleb culture. If you're not known, no-one wants to know. Argh!!

*Sleb Culture - Well, it sounds better than Celebrity Culture doesn't it? Actually I don't mind some of them because some are more genuine than others... I hate the ones that are only famous because of their parents....

30 Rock: Or, Why Sitcoms From the UK Are Rubbish

2009-01-07T07:39:00.001-08:00

Over the holidays (hope you had a lovely one guys!) I've been enjoying the re-runs of the first series of 30 Rock. And it's brilliant. At first I turned my nose slightly, but I'm in the habit of giving things a good go before I give up and didn't want to do it an injustice based on the pilot episode.

And guess what? I've fallen in love with its odd, completely weird storylines and quirky humour. Tina Fey, who also created the show, is great as Liz Lemon, the long-suffering head writer and producer of "TGS With Tracy Jordan", a late night comedy programme that is, so I've heard, a stab at Saturday Night Live... But you rarely get to see the show itself unless something goes disastrously wrong (normally involving fireworks - hilarity!) It tends to focus on what goes on behind the scenes, and to be honest there's not much work going on. For instance, Jenna, who used to be the star of the show before Tracy came in and took everything over, is focusing on her film acting debut in the "Rural Juror" or "Rerr Jerr" as it's referred to - no one seems to be able to understand what she's saying. But my favourite line comes from sex-crazed executive (of both this part of NBC and the microwave division) Jack Donoghy, who is trying to think of things to say during a speech. Cue the line: "squeezing the juice from his mind-grapes". Oh lordie, how I laughed!!

The bad thing is it's making me think of how stupidly awful most British comedy is. Okay, there must be trashy shows in the USA too but you never see them. All the American shows I've seen have had something positive going for them while all we can come up with is reality show after reality show, things about dysfunctional families (although I'll admit that Outnumbered is brilliant - catch it if you can) and the rest of the programming seems to be dedicated to sitcoms about people who are old enough to know better. What a bore! My UK viewing is restricted to University Challenge and documentaries, and I'm increasingly not watching TV at all! Please can someone in this country come up with something... you know... good?

Oh, and bring back 30 Rock sharpish!!

Remember This Building?

2008-12-07T11:07:00.001-08:00

Well this is one of the photos I took of the Costa in Liverpool, remember? I don't blame you if you don't - it was a few months ago! Anyway, the reason it's back is because I wanted to share with you all my attempt to get into the Observer Sunday Review paper, about this very building. Readers were asked to talk about things that were culturally significant to them in 2008 and since I didn't want to chop down one of my gig reviews, thinking that it was cheating, I decided to challenge myself by writing about Costa Liverpool - hopefully with positive results, although only time will tell!

Here it is:

Through the hordes of people wearing high-viz jackets and fluorescent tutus (though thankfully not simultaneously), Liverpool is a mysteriously black and white city. Being the Capital of Culture, you might have thought that someone would make the effort to dress everything up a little – it seems that the majority of new buildings are covered in soulless glass or made grotesquely imposing.
But nestled comfortably in the City Centre is a quirky Costa Café, decorated with rainbow-coloured pipes that contrast magnificently against the architectural gloom around it. Screaming at you to wonder at its marvels, the building demands that you laugh derisively at its contemporaries’ attempts to outshine it.

Practicality Over Fashion

2008-11-28T02:03:00.000-08:00

I love these shoes - but they have a 4.5 inch heel and I can only manage, at the most, 4 inches. It's odd because when I first saw these I thought.... wow! Look at all the pretty colours! They're so different! But after clicking to see the heel size (which I thought was going to be below 4 inches judging by the first picture they displayed) I was bitterly disappointed.

I think manufacturers should start making shoes that either have adjustable heels or they should make a wide range of heel sizes - everything from flat to sky-high (if you really want sky-high). Shoes that have a heel the width of a pinhead should be banned and made illegal, while people over a certain height shouldn't be wearing heels at all (trust me, when you're only little over 5 foot it's scary seeing a woman who's nearly 6 feet tall in a pair of 6 inch heels).

The heel situation is really limiting the type of shoes I can wear. Dolly shoes may be cute and a little quirky - only a little since everyone seems to wear them - but heels would give me a.) a sense of height and b.) a more grown-up feelings. Being the proud owner of a pair of brogues that have a medium-sized heel is brilliant - but they were a rare find. To most people brogues mean granny shoes, with no style, no heel, a dull colour and make your feet look so wide and fat that it brings a whole new meaning to the cockney term "plates of meat".

So we have a conundrum! Either our feet ache with rubbing and blisters but we look feminine and have the illusion of height or we go for these awful, awful, simply awful pieces of rubber. I know what I'd rather pick, much to the chagrin of everyone else. But can we please have a fashion season when Chanel or someone does a whole collectino of fashionable mid-sized or kitten heels?

So In Relation...

2008-11-27T01:52:00.000-08:00

So after posting a couple of days ago about closing down libraries I had a conversation with some colleagues about the state of reading in this country right now.

I think we all agreed that less and less people are reading, even if it's just a few pages a night like me - most worryingly, this seems to be true of children and teenagers and aren't they the people who need to be reading the most? It does, after all, extend their vocabulary and their overall general knowledge.

I wouldn't exactly say that I'm a book aficionado but I do know a fair bit and I have spent a large number of years studying literature - from this you generally get a good feel of how things should and should not be written (although really the basics of writing should be drilled in during sessions in school - I can't stand bad grammar and spelling).

Since one of my associates teaches English, they know what is and isn't acceptable in the world of teaching. So now we have a parallel - as TV, games console and computer ownership goes up, the number of books being sold and read is going down. Add to this a second parallel - as the number of books being read is going down, the number of kids who can't read, write and communicate properly is going up. And it's going to be difficult to solve since if these kids don't want to read, which is generally the case after they hit the age of 12, literacy skills will be in free fall and we'll have a whole country of illiterates!

(Well, maybe that was an exaggeration but you get the drift....)

My associate pointed out that children don't even have to be reading Shakespeare or Wordsworth to generally increase their reading and writing standard - even works of science fiction, fantasy and crime thrillers will help them because they all have one thing in common - a wide vocabulary and generally impeccable grammar (I say impeccable because, while most books have very few mistakes, I consider the rotten Oxford Comma to be awful and unnecessary!). I would highly recommend people like Terry Pratchett for people who can't stand more realistic concepts - even he involves the politics of the day and the state of our world into his hilarious Discworld novels.

Oh, what to do? I believe we're in a conundrum....

Go Philip! Go Philip!

2008-11-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

Philip Pullman, aka the author of the His Dark Materials trilogy, spoke out this week about the closure of the library in the school he used to go to - basically he said it was a disgrace.

The reason for the closure? Technology. Flamin' technology again (and yes I'm aware of the irony of me writing about "flamin' technology" given that I'm using it to express my view here). They're going to replace the library with some technology that means you can have books digitally or something.

Here's a positive - perhaps the kids might treat these digital books a bit like their mobiles or iPods. With some respect. I don't know about anyone else but everyone seemed to hate books when I was at school and would do anything to get out of reading them. At least this might spark some more interest in literature.

But what really ticks me off about this is that in many schools libraries are being scrapped because they are seen as "not an essential part of the curriculum or the way the school is run". Er, isn't English a core subject? Don't you, you know, have to get a good grade in English to get anywhere in life? Books suddenly not part of English any more? Have I suddenly become old fashioned and no longer know what English entails?

NO!!!! I haven't. In fact, I'm pretty sure that, apart from the titles of the books studied in schools today, the basic curriculum of English revolves around reading and writing. 2 of the legendary 3 Rs (the other one is 'Rithmetic as in Arithmetic as in Maths - but that's the least important of the 3 Rs).

What are all the librarians going to do? They'll be jobless! It's another catastrophe! Can you see where I'm going here? You can't shut the libraries down because, surprise surprise, it would be an atrocity. I like the feel of a solid book, and I hate to think about this since it could signal the very beginning of the end for the physical book. I can't fathom why anyone would want to read a book from a little digital machine - they're probably going to give you the eyes of an 80 year old at 25 and lock-arm from using them (since you'll be straining your eyes to see the words and holding your arm up constantly to look at the screen. Oh, so add iPod finger to that as well seeing as how you'll be tapping furiously at a little button to turn the pages....)

Who needs a mechanical book? I'd be so annoyed. I don't care if I end up with a really scrappy copy, I'll never change from good old paper and so what if I'm old fashioned!? I agree with Mr. Pullman!

Protesting...

2008-11-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

First of all, let me apologize for being away from the desk for... well, ages! This might actually be a more frequent event and if you happen to notice that I'm away for a couple of weeks don't panic, I will post eventually. Bearing in mind that it's been a madhouse here I'm pretty sure that you can all forgive me. Hopefully.

I've been watching a lot of news lately, and by that I mean watching the 6pm national news then the 6:30pm national news on a different channel and then yet another news programme at 7pm on yet another channel... whew.

During this time I've been noticing some weird coincidences. First of all, the Pre-Budget Report came out yesterday with Alistair Darling saying we should all spend more. Cue the presenter standing in, you guessed it, a shopping mall!

But the thing that got me was when I watched the BBC 1pm news and during an interview with their political correspondent outside Westminster, a guy with a placard saying that Iraq was turning into World War 3 and a nuclear holocaust starting waving his banner behind the reporter's head. The thing about this was that the cameraman tried to surreptitiously zoom in to the correspondent's head to try and block the placard out of view. He did this so many times that you could practically count the amount of nose hairs that political man had.

The Beeb are supposed to be impartial so I guess this was only necessary - I was hoping to hear a little statement from the anchorwoman claiming that the views reflected in the report were not that of the BBC. But no, they must've just about avoided any sort of egg/face incident.

The punchline is that Mr. Protester did exactly the same thing on the 6:30pm news! How brilliant! I ended up egging him on to give the angry sign-waving a bit of welly but the report ended to quickly for him to get anywhere. What a shame eh?

Still, this news channel is supposedly a little less unbiased (er, well, that's actually arguable) so if we had more placard/camera interaction would the cameraman have attempted a similar zoom in strategy? I guess we'll never know, but the point is that maybe the news channels shouldn't be so touchy about little things like this? It was a peaceful protest, unlike the numerous times when football hooligans have shouted and started chanting like dummies just to get attention when some of these journalists go outside a stadium. He wasn't being noisy - what's everyone's problem?!

Neighbours: Now With 10% More Fat Than The Next Leading Brand!

2008-11-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

So I was reading the paper a couple of days ago and I read an article that said you were much more likely to be overweight if your neighbours were. They said it was like "keeping up with the Joneses".

Now, I don't know about anyone else but I would be a bit worried if I started putting on weight to keep up with the way that my neighbours looked. Apart from the fact that it's just a little bit weird and sad*, surely it's not good for your health at all?! With all of the warnings that we have about being over a certain weight I find it odd that people would be putting on weight in this way: can't we just leave the whole keeping up with your neighbours thing to TVs and sofas?

Perhaps I'm not the best example though. I'm a healthy weight and living in a fairly slim neighbourhood - would I really be fatter if I lived in a neighbourhood with more overweight people? Can I extend this "area" to mean my whole town? If this was the case I can say this research is terrible since there's a lot of large people walking down my high street eating a Greggs** pastie*** and McDonalds. At the same time.

I wonder what kind of sample they had? If we think about this deep enough it could have been done in particularly hefty streets in generally hefty towns. At least this research doesn't state the obvious though: most of them say things that are blatant even to people who've been on another planet for all their lives (we're talking smoking here, which is such a stupid subject if looked at in more depth).

Somebody please tell me if this is applicable to anybody/anywhere near them. I'm very interested....

*Sad = just something a bit weird and pitiful really. Like people who constantly go "ahhh, isn't that cute" whenever they see a baby or any kind of animal
**Greggs = I wished I'd never have to explain since it's disgusting. They're a bakers who make nice doughnuts and little else - I think that they serve food disgracefully high in fat, salt and sugar, mostly at the same time. Catch the smell wafting around on the mornings and be sickened for the rest of the day. Don't be fooled by the apparent "healthy" options like the piled high cajun sandwiches or whatever they are. No comparison to rival bakers Milligans in my own humble opinion
***Pastie = I deliberately spelt it this way so that people who didn't know what one was wouldn't say "pasty" as in looking a bit white and ill. Pasties (pass-teees) are like a savoury pastry with various fillings. Quite filling, quite fattening in some cases but if you ever have a chicken tikka flavoured one you'll understand that one every now and then is pretty good for you really. Available in corned beef, chicken bake, tikka, cheese and onion, and the most famous Cornish to name a few

Burn After Reading

2008-11-02T03:26:00.000-08:00

Maybe this is the first time I've ever gone to the cinema to see a film that has really only just been released? I think four or five days after the initial release is a pretty good amount of time, and the cinema screen was still practically empty (because all the tiddlywinks wanted to go and see High School Musical - shudder).

Lets get straight to the point: Burn After Reading is as strange and oddly protracted as any Coen Brothers' movie, and still has a very dark thread running through it. After all, they don't really hold anything back do they? The story follows how the secret documents of sacked CIA man Osmond Cox (John Malkovich) are lost by an incompetent secretary at a gym and are found by two employees there (Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt). In the mean time Cox's wife (Tilda Swinton) is having an affair with their friend Harry (George Clooney) and things start to get.... complicated.

Well, there's lots of paranoia involved, particularly from Clooney, and just general stupidity, particularly from Pitt. The voice that he puts on to essentially blackmail Cox, for instance, is idiotically contrived and I had to stop myself from laughing at the incompetency - no wonder he gets punched in the face. And worse, but I'll not give it away.

There are some hilarious moments as with all of the Coens' less serious movies. Let's put it this way: you just have to see Clooney's home-made chair to believe it. Then there's the scene that I've colourfully called "the chopping of the carrots" and the whole way that Pitt acts in the movie - I can't believe that he didn't know that his character was gay when he was acting it out.

When we finally get to the climax you wonder how everything will be resolved. There isn't a definitive twist, as such, but there is a rather weird final scene. I can't give it away. But it's certainly not as thoughtful as the last little sequence in Fargo - in fact, you have to wonder about the morality of the whole thing. But it's pretty funny.

It's true that it isn't as good as Fargo or even the Big Lebowski, but it's still distinctly a Coen movie, and it's still got all the twisted, juicy elements that you would expect - probably isn't good enough for the Oscars like No Country For Old Men but definitely deserves some good recognition. Can more people go to see it before it tumbles into obscurity in the face of all the tween movies that are being paraded at the minute? Please?

Trick Or Treat

2008-10-31T03:48:00.000-07:00

Well I've noticed it's been two whole weeks since I last posted here - that's pretty awful isn't it? First of all I have to say - how come it was the 28th yesterday and now today it's the 31st!? Have I completely lost track of all the dates and everything!? No wonder my pumpkin looks so angry, I bet he's lost in the tardis too... it was bad enough when the clocks went back and I kept losing track of the time (NOT helped by other people who kept getting the time wrong as well)...

So anyway, it's Halloween - when I lock the doors at night. People living the UK will probably understand when I say that it's annoying having a bunch of chavs* turn up at your door dressed as, er, chavs* and singing that awful "Sky is blue" song. It's not good. Whatever happened to little kids putting a bedsheet with two holes over their heads and asking elderly women for candy? I'm lying, some people still do that and other, sadder people decorate their house in all manner of creepy paraphernalia. Never floated my boat personally!

But for today I will be playing "Halloween" by Siouxsie and the Banshees. Although, when I think about it just about anything from their "Juju" album would be appropriate (erm, apart from "Arabian Nights" and "Monitor" I think). Not that I need an excuse to bang that brilliant gothic masterpiece on mind you...

Coincidentally**, it's Bonfire Night next week and little old me will be busy with sparklers and Damp Squibs***. More on that next week though.

*Chavs = a derogatory term used to describe rather arrogant people who constantly wear shellsuits and a lot of "bling" on any visible part of skin - Burberry is a must, as is swearing in any available public space. They also have a very annoying tendency to tuck their tracksuit bottoms into their socks
**Coincidentally = speaking of "Juju" and songs that go with Halloween, another Siouxsie song from the album (at least the restored edition) can be used to soundtrack Bonfire Night - "Fireworks" - which is why I started talking about it
***Damp Squibs = a daft term that my mum and I developed years ago to describe fireworks that promise a lot but then end up giving out the weakest of displays, such as those ones that shoot into the air with a massive squeal and then give a little pop with no lights. Makes you think either: "what a waste of money" or "I don't know why I bother". But it's funny!

Increasingly Stupid, Increasingly Forgetful

2008-10-16T02:21:00.000-07:00

Well I've been watching the third series of Heroes and thinking "do the writers actually remember anything they've written in the previous series?"

The thing that's getting to me is that if Noah Bennet really really really wants to kill of Sylar then why doesn't he just shoot him in the head like it said in Series 2? You'd think that someone who worked in the company for so long would realise these little things - but I guess it's not very entertaining if you kill off your main bad guy in one go now is it?

Still.... someone else must have picked up on this...

Spore!

2008-10-08T08:36:00.000-07:00

Everyone seems to be going on about this game called Spore that EA have released. It's the brainchild of the guy who brought us The Sims (you can tell this post was well researched...) and basically you're supposed to start off with a little creature and then multiply, befriend or fight other little creatures in order to populate your planet more and save it. Then you can blast off into space and explore other planets.

Now, I wasn't sure if it was any good or not until I heard people saying how brilliant it was (reviewers and that sort mostly) and thought "hmm, maybe I should look into this." I thought it was only going to be for PC, which would be a real pain since I don't have any of these fancy graphics cards or anything, so imagine my delight when I heard there's a DS version!

I'm pleasantly surprised, because normally these games are PC or bust... Still I feel the need to check it out. Since I feel like I'm progressing nicely with the 3 games I purchased for my little red companion in the summer I need something to mix it up a little. A good old fashioned incredibly long and logistical game is needed!

Eats, Shoots and Leaves: Resurrection Of The Stickler

2008-10-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

In reading through Lynne Truss's book "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" (a no-nonsense guide to punctuation that is often pretty funny and sometimes throws some weird facts at you) it dawned on me that I am a "stickler".

A stickler is someone who goes around and gasps at the shoddy use of punctuation, and in my case this is particularly true of the apostrophe. There are many times when I want to have a heart attacks because I see signs like "CD's for sale" or "50% off hose's" (and I know this is a bit of an odd example).

To add to the issue this afternoon when in a shop I saw the line "... and all the bands I'm yet to discover" instead of the fully grammatical "...and all the bands I've yet to discover". Tsk tsk, this is awfully sloppy and is setting a bad example. I would blame texting but to be perfectly honest I text people far more than a call them; I'd be a hypocrite to say that this wonderful function is causing the death of English grammar.

But like Lynne says, all of the sticklers need to unite and fight the wave of sloppy grammarians who think it's okay to be shoddy with words - they are effectively killing our language. Where would we be, after all, without apostrophes and commas? They help us understand the true meanings of sentences and are necessary to be fully understood. You wouldn't want to read a book and think that it's about a completely different subject to that which the author intended would you?

Gather the following items and join me in the grammar wars: stickers, banners, balaclavas, megaphones, spray cans, and a gun (to shoot people who still won't get the message or maybe even to turn on yourself if the situation gets too awful which is how I feel sometimes).

Oh, what's the use? I even corrected the grammar of my friend the other day and she was surprised and shocked that I'd be so picky about where she put her comma: "But it's grammatically incorrect for what you're trying to say!" I squealed. "So? Stop nit-picking!" She protested. Am I the only stickler in this part of the world!?

For those of you who don't understand the panda, I'll explain: The idea is based around a joke about a dictionary entry about the panda. Instead of typing "eats shoots and leaves" which suggests the panda's eating habits, the compiler of the dictionary wrote "eats, shoots and leaves" which suggests that pandas eat in a restaurant, shoot everyone dead and then leaves without a care in the world. Awful joke, but it makes a valid point!

Double The Love

2008-09-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Diva and I have no idea if this is legal but I received an award from Brett the other day I gave it to her and now she wants to give it to this blog, feeling that I deserve to have it both here and on Jamjarsuperstar.

I think this is fair enough, and to make it more legal I've decided not to nominate anyone and just leave it as the people I've mentioned on JJS.

Extra thanks to everyone who has given me awards/memes/general praise and support throughout my blogging voyage so far!!

Getting To Grips With Gadgets

2008-09-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today was the day I finally came round to browsing some of the new little gadgets that Blogger have spent so much time compiling. Some of seem a little odd (I'll not say pointless but seriously, Mario and Zelda on your blog? What next?) but then I've found some lovely little gadgets.

When I first started SCG, I thought that it would be a good idea to put up a feature where I put a quote or saying up every day but this idea failed miserably - I just didn't keep up the payments, so to speak. But now I have blogger to do it for me! Hooray! We'll be enlightened every time we view the blog!

And I've inserted the headlines of the day on to my blog as well, so you can all keep up with current affairs (for the UK at least...) - see, I'm so generous with my information aren't I?

Epidemic! Run For The Hills!

2008-09-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

So right now I'm recovering from the common cold (which I find as being an odd name because there's nothing common about the type of colds I get - it's much more than the regular sniffles and drippy nose!) and everyone around me is coming down with it.

My three best friends are either in the grip of the cold or are developing all the symptoms that point to them getting it! One was absent from work and bedridden today thanks to this supposedly harmless little virus that everyone says you should just get on with.

The thing is, when you've got the cold you instantly think that it's going to develop into something worse or you're paranoid about passing it on to other people. Watching "28 Days Later" yesterday turned my friend into a nervous wreck, not just because we'd watched a scary movie at 10am but also because it made her think that she was going to spread the cold to everyone and anyone she came into brief contact with.

Unfortunately if you're working in the confines of an office or are sitting in a meeting room you can't escape other people's germs and they can't avoid yours. I ate the whole "grit your teeth and get on with it" attitude to the cold, so can someone please invent a vaccination for it?!

And On That Note...

2008-09-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Remember last week when I said about the misreading of signs? Here's another one for you (please don't knock me for this, it was at a great distance on the bus today!):

"S&M Animal Accessories"

Make of that what you will - I think that the "&" was supposed to be a little fancy squiggle to make the sign look nicer but it made for me nearly dying of keeping giggles in for too long after I'd seen it!

Waht Wsa Htat?

2008-09-16T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is supposed to say "What Was That?" in the title and the point is that today I was sitting on the bus travelling to work when I saw the most curious thing - and this must have happened to someone else at least once before!

So it's raining, I'm listening to Black Kids to cheer me up and we pass by Hays Travel where there's a sign in the window saying "Thinking of going on holiday? Cuddle us now!" Okay, yeah, the sign didn't really mean that we should be getting hugs for going on holiday but instead the sign really said: "Thinking of going on holiday? Come in now!" So either this was a bad case of morning eyes teamed with the rather annoying will it develop/ won't it develop kind of cold or I'm going crazy.

But then opposite there is a barber's where the sign says "Free Haircut With Every Chosen Design" - design meaning a pattern to shave into your head (why anyone would want to do that is beyond me!). So we've gone from misinterpretations to stupidness - does anyone else have a problem with signs and flyers in this way? No? Fine.

You Can't Take The Sky From Me

2008-09-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

The title is a fact: but then they can, and have, taken a pretty good TV show from our screens...

I started watching Firefly last Saturday, in a double bill. Unlike most space adventures, this dramatic, sometimes comedic (but always brilliant) features no mutant monsters or living jungles - all of the planets are distinctly barren and the threats are all very distinctly human.

So the story is this: Six years before the show is set, Independents were beaten in a battle against the evil, dominating Alliance and were forced to flee in fear for their lives. So we have our crew, forced into a life of crime, and avoiding the Alliance at all costs. In the first episode they pick up a Shepherd (that's a vicar to you and me) and a young doctor. There's revelations aplenty in this first episode, but I'll not give anything away apart from the fact that everything gets just that little bit more dangerous for the crew of Serenity.

Most sci-fi programmes have elements of westerns lying underneath the surface, but this is taking that premise to the extreme. Most of the inhabitants of the various planets are living in little wood shacks, wear Victorian-style clothes and use primitive technology to get by. As the little prologue before each episode explains: "A ship will get you work, a gun will help you keep it". Such is the volatile nature of this universe. But that's what makes this exciting. You're never quite sure what's going to happen next, and the mystery deepens the more episodes you watch.

Unfortunately the silly people who made the show have pulled the plug after one season! Hopefully there won't be a massive twist or cliffhanger at the end of this saga or I'll be very cross indeed! I'd suggest that you hunt the show down and give it a go since it's not cheesy or unbelievable like Star Trek or Stargate - it's much better, and I'm hooked!

The Dark Knight

2008-09-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here at SCG I've gone a bit movie-fanatical. Whether it's because I'm immersed in my own work which has me racking my brains with them and their marketing or whether it's just the fact that I'm suddenly turning into a movie freak who can't discuss film in real life but can when I'm writing, everything at the minute seems to revolve around them.

And so here we come to this. Like my review of Indy IV it's probably come a few months too late but here it is, finally! The Dark Knight! And I must say:

Give Heath Ledger the Oscar now pleeease!!!

Such compelling acting, a tour de force in acting! Disturbing, freakish, amoral (not even immoral, which has got to be a hard one to pull off) and possibly the most ironic portrayal of The Joker ever. Really you have to wonder what he could have done if he'd still been around - topping this role would be hard, but then wondering if there was still more left in the tank is tantalising.

Going back to the film, he definitely steals the show although there are other pretty special performances in here as well. Take Aaron Eckhart's chameleonic Harvey Dent, scarred in more ways than one by a horrific event that practically takes his humanity away from him. The CGI used on his face is just that little bit too realistic - I have to honestly say that I wasn't expecting such a graphic representation of such a heavily burned man. Kudos to the SFX department! Of them all, Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne (ahem, aka Batman) is the least impressive, and even he's pretty good!

In discussing Hellboy 2 before I touched upon the subject of whether monsters can really live amongst humans in perfect harmony. Now translate monsters as being human psychopaths and, yeah, superheroes, and you essentially have the subplot of The Dark Knight. Or at least what I'd like to think it is - while you have The Joker blowing up everything in sight and laughing as he slashes people up recklessly, Batman is going through a crisis all his own, eventually leading into the film's dark ending. Similarly, Harvey goes through an identity crisis and is brainwashed by The Joker into becoming an anti-hero, the complete opposite of the man who you see put 500 of Gotham's criminals in jail in one swoop. None of them are accepted by anyone and no-one apart from Wayne's butler knows the true identity of Batman. Thus when discussing the Joker, one of his henchmen says "Friends? Have you met the guy?"

I haven't been this entranced by a film in ages. I have always been that little bit skeptical of superhero movies, but The Dark Knight is different. It's a dark tale made even more twisted by stellar performances and the extremely capable directing of Christopher Nolan. I enjoy a film that can make you think - I suppose some of the little intricacies may have bypassed some people but it's what kept me hooked. By the end, I was gripped, not wanting it to end and with my hair all over the place from being so thrilled.

I only have one problem: it was so stupidly LOUD!!!!!

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

2008-09-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

Heh, I hope you like the little cartoon version of Hellboy - just that little bit more interesting than me plonking a still from the movie straight in here.

Before I begin my, ahem, dissection of the movie, I must first apologize for being away from my desk longer than anticipated. I feel horrible that I haven't been around to blog, although I did post a little teensy video on my other site, so I hope you checked that one out...

Review commencing now: This is the second Hellboy film that Guillermo Del Toro has directed and is none the worse for it. Unlike the first movie, Del Toro's somewhat childlike fantasy qualities shine through. The first movie could have described as standard fare, not too impressive but not incredibly bad either. In this one, Del Toro plays around more with both his characters and his creatures to create a much more fantasy-based world that questions whether the race of demons and magical monsters can ever live peacefully with the humans.

Case in point; Tooth Fairies that fly around eating people so there's nothing left shouldn't be even vaguely cute but they are. So they have big massive fangs, so what? There's a scene here that shows that they're slightly cuddly, when Johan Krauss (come back to him later) revives one and it starts "talking" to the others giving them information about who bought him and his little ravenous chums. Lurvely.

By no stretch of the imagination is this creation cute but the Angel of Death is also something to behold, even if his appearance is slightly spoilt by the movie's only walk into sickly-sweet "please don't die on me" territory. At first I thought, "nice eyes" (plastered liberally on his wings, a nice touch) but then there was something just a little more menacing about it - it was around seven feet tall and loomed over everything...

And then there's Johan, possibly one of the funniest and strangest characters I've seen in ages. He's German, wears a rather large diving/space suit and oh, did I mention that he's made entirely of gas? This gaseous element of Johan provides possibly the most comical moment of the whole film - no, not that bit where he keeps whacking Hellboy with the locker doors, the bit just after where he minces along thoroughly pleased with what he's achieved. Although, he does come out with same rather good lines as well. I enjoyed his transformation from a tied-to-the-rules figure to a more liberal, carefree person. Gas person. Whatever...

But hey, I was disappointed because when I read a preview in the Empire about the film I saw a character named "Cathedralhead" (I won't patronise you by explaining it) and thought he was going to be a prominent chracter. So imagine my disappointment to learn that he only actually appears on screen for a maximum of, well, a minute!! I was fuming. The film needed more Cathedralhead action...

But overall, the narrative turns out to be ever so slightly predictable. While you couldn't quite figure out overall what was to happen between the people, you always had this feeling that they weren't going to die or let the bad guys win. Hey, what kind of superhero movie is going to let its main chracters die and let the baddies get away huh? Um, actually I'll come to that in my next post.

Too bad that everyone pretty much neglected Hellboy this summer - despite being a great bit of fun no-one was really that bothered. Luckily Del Toro has the prospect of directing The Hobbit in front of him, so maybe more people will pay attention to that. I loved it really. I would hate to think what a terrible mess it would be if Peter Jackson had got his blood-stained paws on it and mauled the poor film with horrible creepy-crawlies and grotesque monsters like he did with King Kong (officially the most horrible film I've ever been to see - I don't want to ever see a man having his head bitten off by a giant maggot again. How on earth I was the only person in a packed cinema to sit through that sequence with eyes wide open is beyond me). Guillermo knows how to do it nicely.

What A Difference!

2008-08-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this morning: "Oh my god, you look awful!" I had a splitting headache, and I had no idea why, I was grouchy and sat down to grudgingly read some rubbishy magazines with my morning coffee and biscuit.

Two hours later I was sifting through looking for my earrings when I found some of my old shell clip-ons! I was still feeling rough, and thought "why not?" and put them on.

About a year ago I had my ears pierced but had to permanently remove them a couple of months ago because my ears wouldn't adjust and they kept bleeding. I was pretty sore about it because I thought that I looked good even with my studs in. I didn't even get the chance to wear the longer earrings. So the other week I bought some clip-ons and today was the day I was going to attempt to attach them to my normal earrings.

So when I fund my original clip-ons I was pleased! I put my pale shell ones on and was instantly transformed. No longer was I the rough, just-fell-out-of-bed groucho - I had suddenly become alive and pretty again. Even my fairly greasy hair (needs a wash, must get to that!) looked rejuvenated.

So it got me thinking that maybe making an effort now and then really does make a difference. Even something so simple can make you feel better about yourself on a dull day - beauty is achievable on even the most awful of days!

Election

2008-08-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

So last night I watched Election, a 1999 film starring Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick. And it was hilariously funny from the beginning to the end.

The story goes that high-flying Tracy Flick (Witherspoon) is running to be Carver High School President, something she has been aiming towards for as long as she can remember. At first she is running as the only candidate but her morals and ethics teacher Mr.McAllister (Broderick) has other plans - he gets the captain of the football team to run against her (can you see the irony here?) Things start to go horribly wrong in McAllister's life as his candidate's sister also runs, and he begins to fall in love with his best friend's ex-wife.

The film is told in a light-hearted fashion from the viewpoints of the different characters showing their conflicts of interest and their thoughts on each other (which also turns out to be hilarious, particularly when it comes to McAllister talking about Flick). The fact that all of the characters - particularly the candidates for presidency - are all so different, it means that there's some wonderful meeting of minds.

The film put me in the mind of Rushmore which was directed by Wes Anderson (who is brilliant, you've just got to sit down and watch some of his movies) as they both have similar quirky, light-hearted feels. I can see that this would be a film that doesn't wear thin quickly, and that you could watch it time and time again and still laugh! Surely the best comedies do this? If you get the opportunity I recommend you track it down and give it a go - as proof that it isn't one of those teen movies that are alienating to other age groups, my mum watched it with me and was laughing just as hard as me. Enough said!

Idiot...

2008-08-22T04:08:00.000-07:00

I am such a dunce... I never knew that you could actually turn off the WiFi on Jerry the Berry. As a result my battery has been draining faster than water down a plughole. Before actually being told that you have to turn it off to make the battery last I had to charge the thing 3 times since Saturday, which probably would have been more if I'd kept it on during the night as well. So now that I've turned it off, the battery is steady eddie.

Ahem, I need to think logically about these things in future.

Slightly Dimmed Down - What Did I Expect?

2008-08-19T03:38:00.000-07:00

So finally here's the last review - of "Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings". It's a little toned down from the old heyday of the brilliant "FFXII" but what did I expect? Absolutely amazingly realistic graphics on a console that can't handle that many pixels?

Actually, the CGI cut-scenes are pretty special. You have to kind of hold your DS about a foot away from your own body to get the full impact but it's there and it's special, possibly the most realistic graphics of all the games that were there.

I have to admit though that it took me a while to get into this. The whole idea of it being set in a world away from Ivalice seemed a little strange, since that world worked so well and was so diverse - there was a million and one things you could do with its wonderful landscape. Once you get used to the new floating world of Lemures though, it grows on you as well. I just wish there were more towns and quests - new quests are available after every chapter you complete (so for me I've been able to complete two sets of missions, since I've just completed Chapter 3 - Chapter 1 doesn't count). Although you do have access to the Sky Saloon after a certain point in the game, there aren't enough towns and people to interact with! I enjoyed the fact that there were so many people to talk to and little mini-tasks to complete in cities like Rabanastre and Archades on FFXII. Maybe I'm just not giving this one enough time to heat up.

Gameplay is a little fiddly and a little bit difficult to get a hold of. Your characters also level up very very very slowly so in order for them to be strong enough to progress, you have to undertake a lot of Monster Melees in areas that you've completed. Luckily you do have the power of little monsters known as the Yahri to aid you, although even for them to come to your aid you have to collect Auracite from the various missions in the game.

Simply speaking: it's difficult. It's a bit long-winded. But it's really fun, if not frustrating at times when your little Yahri die for no apparent reason when a massive dragon comes out of nowhere and breathe fire on them... The story is a lot less political and violent than FFXII although the DS is marketed at younger people, so they had to tone down some of the violence (FFXII was full of wars, killings and murders, so much different to the previous installments)...

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

2008-08-19T03:31:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing: I screwed up a little bit at work on something that was super-important and I went crying to my mum down the phone. That weekend I go shopping with her and dad and the next thing I know they're saying they're going to buy me a BlackBerry despite the screw-up and for getting that far anywhere.

So now Jerry the Berry and I are completely in sync, I don't have to worry about the money on my old phone running out and I can e-mail anyone I want anywhere I want and oh, I've got complete Internet access (I was thinking of writing this post on Jerry but then I thought nah, I don't want to rub it in people's faces!).

Oh happy day! Three days on from this and I keep wanting people to text and e-mail me just so I can try out the little keypad or if it's someone I haven't talked to in ages just to tell them that I have a new phone... Whee, this is so cool...

They're really supposed to be used for business purposes but I suppose as long as you've got a few friends and a bunch of e-mail addresses then you're good to go - I can still make use of the other functions somehow...

Olympics 08

2008-08-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

After not caring for ages about the Olympics I've finally come around to watching quite a bit of it over the last few days. For some reason you get sucked in if you watch one event (for me it was the women's double diving from 10m, in which some of the smallest divers you've ever seen competed).

Yesterday I found myself watching the majority of the men's gymnastics and spending most of that thinking "how on earth do they make it look so effortless?" I have a certain admiration for anyone who is any good at sports because I've never come around to it - I was practically out of breath yesterday when I had to run for the bus. Just getting to the Olympics must be a heck of an achievement because the competition is so fierce - winning a medal in it must be a dream come true, something I would only be able to achieve in my dreams.

This lunchtime I started to gasp at the track and field events through my peanut butter sandwich. I wish I hadn't watched the unbelievable performance of Jamaica's Usain Bolt in the Men's 100m race. It wasn't human - I know it was only on the passage to the semis, but still the guy didn't break sweat and was only jogging, jogging I tell you! He even looked casually from side to side, had practically no movement in his arms and probably could have waved to the crowd and still won the race super-comfortably and under 10 seconds. A super-scary performance. A bit like Michael "Baltimore Bullet" Phelps but on land and running... Eek, you may as well just give him the gold now.

Stylus Trouble... Blame Producers...

2008-08-12T03:52:00.000-07:00

Okay so ages ago I said I'd review the three games I bought for my new DS, and here's the second about a month overdue (what?).

"The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass" is a return to the controversial days of "The Wind Waker" where everyone was up in arms about the fact that the producers had moved away from the realistic Zelda world into a cartoonish land coloured in by cel-shading. Nevertheless, it made the whole experience rather unique. It was the funniest Zelda, and this promises to be the same. Once you got past the "dodgy" graphics, it was brilliant.

Basically, it's a follow-on story from "Wind Waker" and Link is sailing the high seas with his pirate friends, including Tetra. Tetra is curious about the ghost ship and so orders her crew to go and look for it - with disastrous consequences. She is abducted and Link washes up on a far away island after he falls in the sea trying to save her (he should be used to that after washing ashore on Windmill Island after being catapulted over the Forbidden Fortress by Helvinek at the beginning of "Wind Waker". What luck). So begins a massive quest to find and invade the ghostly ship.

Everything you do is controlled by the stylus and this is incredibly difficult. The reason why this game is taking me so long just to complete the second (yes, second) island is because the controls are so fiddly. I still haven't grasped how to make Link roll, although I'm quite good at killing the jelly-like ChuChus. Also, I was stuck at sea for a while when I couldn't work out how to make the ship move (major problem!).

I just think that the other buttons could have been used more to make it easier to control. I never want to buy easy games but then I don't want ones that are so hard I can't fathom for a month. I'm a master at the other Zelda games (although anyone who knows the locations of all the poes on "Twilight Princess" should alert me) so I won't let this beat me. The characters are funny, the story, though simple, is completely engaging and the world is rendered to the same quality of "Wind Waker" - don't let the stylus put you off. Just try your best. That's what I'm doing.

Lad Mag/Girl Mag

2008-08-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

There's a debate raging at the minute about whether lads' mags encourage a lack of responsibility amongst young men and teach them that women are cheap and will do anything (i.e. that we're all brainless airheads!). Of course, I hate to think that these gross publications are making men believe that women are just objects - but it's true.

Then I watched Channel 4 News the other night and a former editor of such vile magazines (I'm not even going to give the names the time of day) came on and said that women's magazines do the same but use words instead of soft porn to talk to women about sex.

Then I realised that this was really true! I suppose this could be taken as a backhanded compliment that we can use our imaginations and brains instead of having it all laid out in front of us so graphically. You know by now that I hate Cosmopolitan because it's just sex, sex, sex so I wonder if these sorts of mags are sending out a bad message to women about being promiscuous?

The ex-editor of the lads mags claimed that mags like this don't shape the society we live in but then if lots of young men between the age of 16 and 25 "read" these things then they're obviously going to be affected by it. Plenty of the men I know think in this way but then so do the women - they're obsessed with getting a boyfriend, afraid of being alone and have over-active sex lives. It's all they think about.

Society must be going downhill... please tell me that this is the case elsewhere as well because it's a bit scary and it's not likely to change soon!

Music Meets... Video Games

2008-08-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

Okay so a few months ago I published a short post about Quentin Tarantino being inspired by Kate Bush to direct Kill Bill because the lyrics of "The Wedding List" are so similar to the storyline of his cult bloodfest. Of course, it was a fat chance but fun!

So now I've come to you with another little musical mash-up: readers of Jamjarsuperstar will know that I've recently purchased "A Kiss in the Dreamhouse" by Siouxsie and the Banshees. If you examine that cover, near to where the images of Siouxsie Sioux's backing band are placed there is clearly the symbol of the Triforce, a recurring divine object in the Legend of Zelda series. Did Shigeru Miyamoto and his colleagues stumble upon this symbol on this album cover?

Coincidence? You decide...

Turning into Kate

2008-08-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

I think over the last few years I've started to morph, fashion-wise, into Kate Jackson from the Long Blondes. I wear my little blue beret (just like the one she wears to the right) and my scarves tied into bows at the neck, skinny jeans, coloured tights, black cocktail dresses and stripy jumpers just the same as the indie pixie.

So I wouldn't be mentioning this except for the fact that it got me wondering about if, even unconsciously, we start to dress like someone we've seen before. Okay, maybe not in designer dresses or suits or anything but do we think "oh, she/he looks nice" and start subconsciously modelling ourselves on them? I think Kate has a nice style - she never seems to be trying too hard and yet still looks fashionable, totally different to someone like Kate Moss who seems to strain to get dressed the way she does (or at least that's what I think).

We get our style from somewhere and it changes over the years. I think I'm finally settling into my own fashion sense - only to realise that it really isn't my own style. I've just stolen it from other people and made slight changes...

Liverpool: Odd Shots

2008-08-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

So to finish my strand on my trip to Liverpool I've left my 3 daftest shots. This one perhaps the weirdest. It's supposed to be advertising "Pink" nightclub which on the window invites you to "come in and have a sherry". Anyway I think most people thought I was mad that I wanted a photo of a bright pink furry car but hey, I thought it was funny and stuff everyone else (putting it nicely!)

Ahem, I thought this was the most ridiculous name for a takeaway. Is it just me or does "Hot 'n' Tender" sound a bit, er, wrong when put in the context of food? Besides, it conjures up images of undercooked chicken - considering it's meant to be fried chicken, this isn't a good image to have. "Eat In Style" the sign says. Walk right past, I say.

Heh, now if there really was a fly in the loaf you'd complain but this makes for gold dust when you're going around pointlessly snapping pub signs. Actually, it didn't look too bad in there! They sell a beer from the Isle of Man (Babooshka? Any comment?) and have chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The red sign above this one says "Bakers to the Queen". Flies must give bread a nice taste, then.

Liverpool: Philharmonic Toilets - You'll Need Them

2008-08-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Philharmonic toilets - the men's toilets. Yes, that's right, the men's. Women can go in by asking a male member of staff to check to see if there's anyone in there and they can be escorted in if no-one is, ahem, using the facilities. Very pretty toilets though, considering the women's are nothing to write home about.

Even more of the men's toilets, this time it's the urinals. They're made out of such pretty red marble that you can't help being a bit weird and taking a snap.

The room at the end of the corridor is the Grande Lounge, which is definitely the fanciest of the rooms on offer here. The "Brahms" and "Liszt", I was nicely informed, are different forms of being drunk. You're going to need those pretty little toilets after all... There's a massive selection of beers on offer - and I mean beers not just those rubbishy lagers you can get everywhere. A house ale is put up often, and I think the one when I visited was some sort of honey drink. Anyway if anyone wants to visit it's down the road from the cathedral (shown in the previous post). I was so tired after climbing the hill that I collapsed after this.

Liverpool: Architecture

2008-08-06T07:39:00.000-07:00

This is officially the ugliest building in Liverpool - sitting right on the front of the Albert Dock, overlooking the Mersey and obscuring the view of the Liver Building. It's a monstrosity - another one is being built to the right of this photo. Whoever thought of putting this here must be a bit dense in the head. Why would anyone want to tamper with the historic quay. In contrast...

This just has to be one of the prettiest buildings in Liverpool! I love the colours and the piping. Although it's bright it's not really that intrusive or garish and I would be happy to call this piece of modern architecture my own work. You would never believe that this is actually a Costa Coffee Shop - at first I thought it was some sort of art gallery but no! Aww, I love this building.

Obviously one of the most famous sites in Liverpool is that of the Liver Birds - there's two, one male and one female. The female does all the work by watching and making sure that the boats go out safely while the male looks into the city to see what time the pub opens! Legend has it that if the Liver Birds were to ever fly away then the city would fall to ruin - that would explain why they're firmly tethered down then!

This is the Radio City Tower where Merseyside's local radio station broadcasts from. It used to be a revolving restaurant, designed in an attempt to make the city more cosmopolitan but it fell out of favour and is now used as the broadcasting tower. It has to be one of the most recognisable sights - there's not many places around the city where it can't be seen.

There's two cathedrals in Liverpool - this is one of them. The other is a bit gothic and creepy but this one is colourfully referred to as the "Witches' Hat". I didn't go in so I couldn't really comment on what it was like inside. Just like Radio City though, this can also be seen from many points in the city. Most of my hotel rooms have had a direct view to the Witches' Hat but not this time.

Finally, this is an area I like to think of as the most cultural. It's probably because there's about a thousand museums, libraries and theatres around here. This time I only went into one. I went to see the "Beat Goes On" exhibition that documented a full history of music in Merseyside, which was very interesting. I would've gone to see the Egyptian exhibition as well but you had to go through the Bug House to get to it and despite my continuing fascination with Ancient Egypt, I wasn't going to put myself through the torture of creepy-crawlies just to get there! The souvenir from this year was a sarcophagus with a little mummy resting inside of it which I found pretty cool. He sits on the side of my bed now - awwww....

Liverpool: Foodie 2

2008-08-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Another food experience, this time on the second night of my stay - this was at the PanAmerican Bar and Grill at the Albert Dock where I stayed. The dish in question is South-East Asian Chicken with soy noodles and stir-fried veg. It was tasty enough. I was a bit skeptical about the noodles at first because in all honesty I've never had soy sauce before but it was actually lovely! I think sometimes you've got to take the plunge - I wouldn't eat anything incredibly readical but changing a little bit of your food here and there is okay if you're trying stuff out. Then when people ask you if you've even eaten something and you say it's horrible you can actually say you've eaten it! I suppose it gets on people's nerves when you say you don't like something but have never tried it before.

Anyway, getting back to the food, it was pleasant enough. It made a bit of a change since I ate pasta on all the other nights! I think the place needs a bit of TLC though - the furniture was ageing a bit since they haven't changed it in all the years I've been going.

Liverpool: Superlambananas

2008-08-03T06:11:00.001-07:00

This is one of the famed "Superlambananas" that have been popping up all over Liverpool this year. Each of the mini-versions represent something about Liverpool, and this one honours the fire service. You can see the little firemen on its legs. This one is even wearing a helmet (headgear is not essential for one of these Superlambananas)

This pinky Superlambanana is meant to represent the use of WiFi in the city. At first I didn't get it but then I looked closer and thought about all the little hands reaching together and the wires being thrown away and thought it made more sense. However, I think they could have made this one clearer. If I hadn't told you this was for WiFi, would you actually say that this represents it? Thought not.

Well this one probably doesn't need much explanation but her it is anywhere: It's a mix of Sgt. Pepper's and the Yellow Submarine - John and George are in the little portholes and Ringo is the Superlambanana (at least I think - it's the big nose). Thing is, I couldn't find Paul anywhere so really it wasn't fully representational of the Beatles... This was outside the Beatles Story, which is like a museum that gives you a tape and headphones for an audio tour as you move through the exhibition. The hotel I usually stay at is right opposite here and the first time I went to Liverpool the music from the Beatles Story was playing so loudly that you could hear it from the room when the windows were shut. This time they'd turned the music down considerably. It was still audible but just not as bad.

Liverpool: Foodie 1

2008-08-02T08:25:00.001-07:00

So on the last night of my stay in Liverpool we went to eat at the Sports Bar. It's run by Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher and is commonly known as "Carra's Bar". It markets itself as a family restaurant with a healthy twist and the only deep-fried food on the menu was the fries, which were still made out of the healthiest potatoes and cooked in the healthiest oils (which I believe is Sunseed, but I could be wrong).

The first pic is of my meal, the penne primavera. So it was basically penne pasta in a tomato sauce with chicken, tomatoes and courgettes. I was surprised to find how spicy it actually was! I thought it might have been a safe option to test the water but instead it turns out that they must have added more than a fair share of chillies or spices - not that this was a bad thing, it was a very enjoyable dish and I ate it all, despite eating three large slices of garlic pizza bread beforehand.

The second pic is of my friend's meal, the spinach and ricotta ravioli. I know she really likes spinach and ricotta anyway so I had a funny feeling she was going to pick that. Anyway, despite not looking like too much on the plate it was apparently filling and had a nice kick with the added black pepper. I think it was enjoyed, even though she eats like a bird.

To drink I had two smoothies, one a Jamaican 8 (so that just had loads of tropical fruit in it like pineapples and mangoes with fat-free frozen yogurt) and the other was a berry-flavoured smoothie that I can't rightly remember the name of. Anyway, this one had loads of berries in it (duh) so it was more like the type that I drink whenever I go to the juice bar in town.

We got kicked out a bit earlier than we might have liked because another group had booked the table for about 8-ish. But it didn't really matter, it was likely to fill up because of the match that was on anyway (the whole place had massive TV screens everywhere, some showing SkySports News and others showing DVDs of sports - our table was showing a DVD that was a combination of when motorbiking goes bad and when skiing and snowboarding goes bad. Good, cringey action.).

I'd go there again, maybe try a pizza and sacrifice the garlic pizza bread - there's a huge selection and everyone will probably find something they like.

P.S. I am sorry about the bunched up writing on some of my posts recently - I've complained to blogger but they haven't done anything about it. I'm afraid you'll just have to cope for now! Sorry -- Scarlet x

Liverpool: Capital of Construction Workers

2008-07-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

Now as you've probably noticed I've been away. On holiday. To Liverpool. Some of us can't afford a foreign holiday, and I had my very occasional foreign excursion last year to Paris which was lurvely until I went down with something terrible (and I'll not go any further than that, I don't know how many of you are eating). But I went to Liverpool last year as well, and I've been going for a good few years now.

This year though Liverpool is European Capital of Culture so I had to go: a.) early and b.) with an open mind that I wouldn't be one of only a couple of tourists wandering around snapping everything. The camera was at the ready this year too and the image above is meant to represent the only thing that I regret not being able to snap: construction workers!

Right now construction is under way of Liverpool One, a big complex that includes a Hilton Hotel, 5 acres of parkland and a multitude of shops. But every time I passed through it to have breakfast or to return to my hotel (it's easier than climbing up and down the hills like I used to: flat is best) the workers were all sitting down on their coffee break (or tea break really).

Mostly they eyed up the women, and gathered around the Greggs bakers that was down one of the little passages there. Like pigeons! I expected them to flap their arms and coo before pecking their sausage rolls and pasties - not one had a supposedly "healthy" roll. Not that Greggs has ever served anything healthy.

It's no wonder that they haven't finished everything they were supposed to if they've been given such long and liberal breaks. The cree, by which I mean the construction site, was normally empty or filled with sad looking worker-pigeons desperate for their next sit down on the stairs. Poor things. I bet they haven't had a tea for 20 minutes...

Simon's Cat

2008-07-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

There's nothing quite like a great animation to perk up your day - after seeing the third installment of "Simon's Cat" on the Culture Show a couple of weeks ago I felt that I had to go out and check out the other two little masterpieces. They're simple, only really line drawings, but it's hilarious. I'll just let you check out "Let Me In!" - if you watch to the end you can also check out "TV Dinner" and "Cat Man Do" by clicking on the little boxes:

Dye-Time

2008-07-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

So today was the fairly dreaded visit to the hairdressers - the cut/style bit isn't bad at all and some of the chat is quite nice. It's the dye; the smell pierces everything. You're sitting there even if you're just getting your roots done waiting for the colour to set in all the while wondering if it's toxic. My hairdresser says she doesn't notice it anymore - lucky her.
To combat this I nursed a cup of coffee for more than half an hour.

Luckily this was in a polystyrene cup so it didn't burn my hands. Every now and then I'd wave the cup and what was left of the coffee (hey, can't let good beans go to waste - they're jam packed full of goodness if you remember one of my first ever posts here) past my face to try and get rid of the smell of dye. It worked, thank god.

To alleviate more boredom they always give you some magazines. I don't know how rich they must think I am but for some reason Vogue and Elle are always given to me. I gag at the prices. More than five hundred smackers for a pair of jeans? You've got to be joking.

In Vogue there was an article that was effectively a battle of the decades, asking "can you really be old and stylish". "Of course you can!" I protested in my head. Then lots of pictures of celebs in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s were shown (all women) and I thought that some of the older women looked better than those in their 20s. Perhaps those celebs just have no style. Actually, they don't. "Unique" and "a style of their own" would be some phrases that mags like Vogue might throw at you to put an opinion in your head but I'm not so easily convinced.

Now I do like people who have a quirky style, so Lovefoxxx, lead singer of CSS, does come to mind (she doesn't really take any rubbish from anyone) but I can't say I admire the style of Agyness Deyn or Alexa Chung. "It Girls" might be used to describe them - but let's face it, one's a model who wears what her best mate makes for her and is practically famous just for her haircut and the other is best known of dating Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner. I think people have just picked up on their style because they're in the limelight - would anyone actually look at Alexa Chung in the street and say that she was a style icon if she wasn't famous? Nah, I didn't think so. You see plenty of people in high-streets everywhere wearing leather jackets and black minis. Big whoop.

Most of the older women shown were obviously wearing designer but not one looked like mutton dressed as lamb. At the same time, none of them looked drab or ancient. Conclusion: yes you can definitely be old and stylish - it might not be the latest trend or the most cutting-edge of designs but it's still fashionable. The fact is, young doesn't always mean good-looking or attractive. I'm sure some of you will agree.

Oh, and reading it meant that I passed most of my dye-time. Hooray.

Thanks to www.lbdevents.com/images for the pic!

Tactics People!

2008-07-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was ecstatic over the fact that I am now the proud owner of a Nintendo DS. Now I'm going to start reviewing, or at least commenting on, all three of the games that I bought (because of course one game is just not enough for a gaming freak like myself)!

Let's talk about Final Fantasy Tactics A2. There's really only two things you need to know about this game. Number one: it's absolutely massive with over 300 missions, more than 50 jobs and tons and tons of job combinations, and ways that you can evolve your clan members - it'll keep you occupied for hours. Number two: it's addictive from the moment you start playing it.

Your main character is Luso who is sent, on the last day of school, to clean the library as a punishment for turning up to class late nearly every day of the term. While there he finds a mysterious book that contains mostly blank pages. When he writes his name in the book as hero of Ivalice, he is transported to that world and must find a way home. On his way he meets different races and tons of different people, and must complete certain missions to write pages in the book so he can reach home safely.

It's really hard to train your chracters up because unlike most of the FF series, there are no random enemy encounters. Instead you have to accept a quest in order to fight. Basically, if you want to be powerful then you're going to have to complete lots of quests - nearly all of the jobs can only be accessed this way (for instance, I've just gained the Assassin job for completing a quest).

I love this game. It has a simple premise but is none the worse for it. Just trying to make your characters powerful enough to win a fight is hard enough - and I'm hardly any way through the game!

Wahoo!

2008-07-22T04:20:00.000-07:00

Yay! I've wanted a Nintendo DS for ages! Now I finally have my greasy mits on one! I'm so happy... So, the games I bought for it were:

Final Fantasy: Revenant Wings
Final Fantasy Tactics A2
Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

I think I'm going to need that cooking one where it takes you through the different stages of cooking a meal little bit by little bit. I'm a rubbish chef. I need something like that to keep myself from either burning down the house of making a blackened mess on the plate. Okay, I'm not that bad but still... A little assistance would be nice.

I think I'll review these games in time... So far I've played "Tactics" the most, but that'll change. Oh, and did I mention that it's red, just like my hair and the colour of my team's strip? Oh, happy day!

Thanks to i2.iofferphoto.com/img/item for the pic!

Bender's Back

2008-07-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Yep the Futurama team are creating 4 new feature-length tales over the next year or so. The first, "Bender's Big Score" was released late last year and I've just got my hands on it (just as "Beast With A Billion Backs" is released).

It starts particularly cheekily, with a dig at Fox for pulling the plug on this wonderfully funny cartoon from the creators of the Simpsons. Alas, while the Simpsons are still flourishing, Futurama has become the inferior little sister. And that's a shame! It's just as funny, especially whenever the beer-binging, loudmouth, aggressive, robot-porn-crazy Bender Bending Rodriguez is in a scene.

The storyline is typically preposterous: Bender is infected with a virus while downloading porn from a spammer and is sent back in time repeatedly to steal various priceless artifacts from through the ages using a code placed within a tattoo of the robot that has somehow made its way on to Fry's bum. But when he steals everything of worth and enables his nudist masters to become supreme rulers of the universe, Bender is sent on a mission to kill Fry so that no-one else can get their hands on the time code.

Mix into this a story about Hermes trying to win his wife Lebarbara back from Barbados Slim after he loses his body in a limbo contest and Leela falling in love with Head Museum employee Lars and it adds up to be one of the silliest tales ever. Splashes of Evil Santa and a small serving of painfully funny space hero Zapp Brannigan and "Bender's Big Score" becomes a wonderful escape from reality. Literally. I'd urge anyone to enjoy the new tales while they can - there's no plans to make any more Futuramas after these episodes! It's a travesty!

Thanks to flyingfarther.files.wordpress.com for the pic!

Some People Have Better Things To Do!

2008-07-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

In my madness the other night I actually read last month's issue of Cosmopolitan - my lord, what a load of.... but, nicely, I'm not a fan. I'm more of a Company kind of woman and consider it to have more decent articles - it promotes women being independent but safe and doesn't donate nearly all of its pages to sex.

Okay, the fact that Cosmo is so filled with sex is not the point of this post. No - it is Denise van Outen who made me think "what the heck?"

Ms. van Outen said that if a man is still single in his thirties and hasn't settled down with at least one kid then there must be something seriously wrong with him. Er, riiight. Surely, all you men, that there are much better things to do out there? In essence, isn't this a bit like saying that a woman should stay at home and tend to their partner's every need instead of going out and forging a decent career? Her other "advice" wasn't too bad, despite all relating to relationships.

I don't think I'll touch a Cosmo again.

Stuck In A Phantasy World

2008-07-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

So at the minute I'm busy playing "Phantasy Star Online" for the Gamecube. Only offline. So basically I'm running around trying to complete all of the quests of hard mode thinking that my Force character, not unlike the one to the left, will inevitably die if I manage to reach very hard mode. Not even my Level 70 Hunter was able to reach ultimate mode. How will my little mage cope?

Maybe I should explain. On this game you have to create a character and then you'll be transported either to Episode 1 or Episode 2, depending on what you really want. Episode 2 is a nightmare to complete even on normal mode, so you end up on on the first episode, on Level 1 ready to kick some monsters where it hurts. You find that you can only explore the forest at first with its easy monsters, but then you can explore the cave, mine and ruins after you defeat the boss of each area (as you do on any game really).

You'd think that just going along defeating monsters left right and centre would get boring after a while but actually it's highly addictive and you find yourself wanting to defeat more and more monsters until you're so strong that you just have to progress somehow. On to the next difficulty level, that is.

Then you have to raise your "MAG" who is like a little guardian angel. Sometimes they'll heal you and if you raise them to a certain level they'll evolve and learn a summon spell which you can cast after you've gained 100 points of Photon Energy. Phew... Some of the "MAG"s are so ugly though (like mine, a horrible little thing called Garuda. Yuck.) that you start to wonder if it was all worth it. Only in my case it was because Forces (one of the classes you can chose when creating your character) are so weak its unbelievable.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though some people might think that this is a repetitive, pointless game that it's actually not, it's rather fun and your character becomes lovable. Most of the time. I've had some real failures before I raised this one to Level 55. Oh well, back to my Force...

T: The Final Frontier

2008-07-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

Turn over to Jamjarsuperstar now for coverage of T in the Park, to be updated regularly over the next couple of days! I'm working on it right now but for some reason my hands won't work as fast as my brain...

Anyway, feel free to leave a comment, disagree (constructively), agree (constructively) and talk about the bands/festival (constructively!). You get the feeling I'd like some constructive comments being posted, right?

Expensive/Cheap

2008-07-12T02:43:00.000-07:00

Well to some shame I watched "Gok's Fashion Fix" on C4 on Thursday. I used to like "How To Look Good Naked" because of Gok Wan's caring and not insulting way of talking about a person and the way they looked - far better than the "god, you look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards" approach of Trinny and Susannah.

Well what annoyed me about this is the fact that Gok kept going on about how good designers had the best fit and that they never showed where different sections had been stitched on. So imagine my surprise (okay, not) when a supposed stylist picks out an asymmetrical Felder Felder dress not unlike the one to the right. Granted, it didn't have the bow and the sleeve (which I'm finding quite appealing - how much!?). Instead it was rather like a canary-yellow elongated boob-tube with a tacky little strap hooked on at what seemed to be the last minute.

When the model wore it down the catwalk, the body was nicely fitted but the strap looked out of place and was ill-fitting - it didn't touch her arm once. Even my £10 asymmetrical graphic print dress from H&M fits me better than that atrocity. Are people really willing to spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds for something that was so... shoddy? Gok's creations looked expensive and yet he had spent less than £200 on each outfit; that includes skirts, dresses, shoes, socks, belts, bags, hats, bangles, rings... everything!

In another section of the programme, it-girl Alexa Chung went to meet Karl Lagerfeld i.e. top man at Chanel. Each dress there can be made to measure but at the store, at least the coat-dress she tried on fitted nicely and looked like it could be worth €31000! I thought maybe it had too many crystals on the front, but it was a lovely fit. But only in my dreams....

Still, are we actually thinking that a brand name = good quality? If this is the case then no wonder people are getting themselves into debt because they're shopping excessively and trying to look as chic as possible. My philosophy is that you can look just as good in some bargains at the sale as you can do wearing tens and thousands of pounds worth of designer clothes.

Thanks to timesonline.typepad.com/style/images for the pic!

Indy IV - The Last Reflection On Earth (Or Maybe Not)

2008-07-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

I must have been one of the last people on the planet to see Indy IV, right? Okay, that was an exaggeration. There are probably plenty of people who haven't seen "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", right?

Anyway, when I did see it I enjoyed it. Just like I enjoyed the first three Indy films. Still, despite a friend once telling me that it was the worst Indy movie, I prefer "Temple of Doom" - it has this strange quality to it that makes me really enjoy it even though the story is so farfetched and so stupid.

So enter Indy IV and a new quest for ageing action man Harrison Ford. After a shaky opening sequence where Ford doesn't really look up to the job, he settles back into his role, possibly because renegade sidekick Mutt Williams (aka Shia LeBoeuf, of "Disturbia" fame) is busy doing the acrobatic vine navigating with the monkeys for him. Yes, there really is a scene where monkeys save the day. Young audiences everywhere would be pleased, I was less easily impressed. While we're on the subject of silly, only-in-an-Indy-based-romp sequences, how about the bit where he survives a nuclear explosion? In a fridge! A fridge people! Duck and cover, eat your heart out.

Ahem, daftness aside, it's not really a bad movie at all. The plot is a bit ludicrous but then there aren't any loose ends and everything is tied up in a nice little package by the denouement. The sequence where all the little ants come out and start eating the Russians is perhaps to be expected but at least it wasn't horrible like, say, Peter Jackson's giant head-eating maggot things in "King Kong" (I think I should get brownie points for being one of what seemed like few people in the cinema to watch that scene, albeit with a horrified face). Still, the best bits come out in the conversation. Probably strange little conversations between people, such as Indy and one of his students at Marshall College library about three seconds after he crashes Mutt's motorcycle. But it's great that after months of saying to people "What kind of a name is Mutt?" that Indy actually comes out and says it himself in the film! Hooray! Luckily this is just a nickname that he's given himself, not a silly name that his parents placed on him as a haunting joke that would plague him for the rest of his days. Poor kid.

Since this is probably going to be the last Indy film though, I expected more from his fear of snakes. Instead, only one semi-gag was made about Indy's lifelong hate of the cold-blooded reptiles and I found that disappointing. Surely the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull should have been swarming with them, just to make it even more perilous for the protagonists.

Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable film. Probably not one I would consider buying when it goes to DVD but then I'm quite picky. If I had to buy one Indy DVD, it would still be "Temple of Doom" no matter what people say. Despite good performances, Indy was better in his younger incarnation, not this older and supposedly wiser form. Ford's co-stars save the day, particularly LeBoeuf and Cate Blanchett as Russian agent Irina Spalko. If you haven't already seen it, you could go just for a couple of hours of enjoyment. Don't expect to be particularly enlightened though.

Thanks to www.reelmovienews.com/images/gallery for the pic!

Dex Is Back!

2008-07-07T02:54:00.000-07:00

Yay! After a couple of months of waiting Season 2 of Dexter was here last night! Oh how I've wanted to know what happens to everyone's favourite serial killer after he murdered someone very close to him at the end of last season and then began being stalked by Dokes, who hasn't stopped calling him a psycho since the last time we saw the pair interact.

Well, it hasn't disappointed. Actually, it seems to be even wittier, filled with you-can't-say-that humour ("Behold! The Eighth Wonder of the World!"). Deb is still annoying though. I wish she retired from the force and left last season. Even wet-blanket Rita is more bearable than her - at least Rita has some guts about her, especially when faced with her ex-husband Paul.

But unfortunately poor old Dex is on the verge of being found out. A diving team has found his rubbish bags filled with dismembered bodies. Surely he isn't going down? We need a cunning plan to keep him on our screens.

http://16471.openphoto.net

Sunshine

2008-07-07T02:28:00.000-07:00

Danny Boyle directed "Sunshine" last year, a sci-fi set 50 years in the future with an almost apocalyptic feel. In "Sunshine", there's always a threat, whether it's the sun dying out and consequently killing all life on earth or the little disasters that happen to the crew of the Icarus 2.

Seven years after the Icarus 1 fails to deliver their payload and save the world, a new crew is sent to deliver another payload in the hope that they will succeed. Robert Capa, a physicist played by Cillian Murphy, is the main character. He's in charge of the payload, making sure it works and deploys when the Icarus 2 reaches its destination.

As you'd expect though, things don't go to plan and the crew is jeopardized by a massive fire in the oxygen garden, so they come to the conclusion that killing off other members of the crew is the only way to ensure that they make it to their destination. One by one the crew succumb to increasingly inventive deaths, but the remaining members are finally faced with a new threat...

The whole film becomes increasingly claustrophobic, particularly, and somewhat ironically, when the characters are floating in space. The cameras are always positioned close to the characters so although you feel more of a connection with them, you also feel increasingly trapped inside the Icarus 2. This probably ties in with how trapped the crew are becoming in space and the fact that they will probably never return to Earth.

The lack of action at the beginning of the film is successful at establishing the characters and their personalities but the movie probably takes a little too long to heat up (pun not intended). However, when it does pick up the pace, "Sunshine" is gripping and at times disturbing. You find yourself rooting for Capa and the remaining crew members to finish their mission and slightly frightened that they could fail against the danger of the mysterious blurred figure.

At times poetic, at others almost disturbing, "Sunshine" doesn't fail to capture your attention. But then, you'll need it to work out exactly what's going on.

http://54.openphoto.net

Finales....

2008-07-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

So last night, it was not only the finale of House, but also the finale of Heroes! Oh, what am I to do on Thursday nights now?

Ahem, getting away from that mini-meltdown both of the finales were particularly spectacular but surely House doesn't need so much soppy music in one episode? Surely Jose Gonzales' version of Massive Attack's "Teardrop" could have been the closing song instead of.... whatever else it was that played (can't remember and it was only last night!). Okay, so it was quite sad for Wilson - think they could have done something super, super dramatic with his plight though, like have him resign - but hey, House survived having electricity pumped into his brain and falling into a coma as a result! Best 1 out of 2 right?

Moving on to Heroes, I'm so glad Hiro survived that one. I was really worried at the end of the penultimate episode that Peter was just going to kill him off because he's been brainwashed by Adam but luckily he lives to fight for another volume! But why didn't he just kill Adam instead of somehow burying him underneath the graveyard? Surely killing him off entirely would have been the safer option since it seems as if he can live forever. What if Sylar wants to join forces with him? Hmmm.... actually I might be on to something there. Let's hope Sylar doesn't kill too many people off though. Unless it's Peter. Then I don't mind.

Turn Over!

2008-06-30T07:04:00.000-07:00

Hey, you should all tune in to Jamjarsuperstar - i.e. my other blog - for musical coverage and reviews of Glastonbury, among other things. Don't miss my quote of the festival which at the time I found pretty funny indeed but now perhaps it has lost its charm. You decide. Oh, and there's lots of coverage of, among others, Amy Winehouse, Jay-Z, The Wombats, Editors, The Raconteurs.... and lots more!

Mini-Coverage: The Final

2008-06-30T06:55:00.000-07:00

Who else thought that the final of Euro 2008 was particularly dull? Yes, it had some highlights (er, which I can't think of right now...) but on the whole it was pretty, well, boring wasn't it? Perhaps the most exciting parts were the goal, scored by Fernando Torres after 33 minutes, and Michael Ballack's eye injury.

Spain dominated just about the whole match and while Germany were not without their chances, after a while you just couldn't see them doing much damage. Despite the fact that Germany have had goals in their artillery throughout the tournament, they only came close to scoring once or twice and very rarely showed any really flair. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that they so clearly celebrated and performed their lap of honour in the semi-finals....

Still, congratulations to Spain are champions for the first time in over forty years!

Hungry For More

2008-06-24T03:15:00.001-07:00

A lot of you will read this and think "Oh God, she's gone downhill" but recently I've felt more than willing to watch "Come Dine With Me" on Thursday nights. Yes, yes! I know! My standards have slipped entirely!

For those of you who don't know, this is what it's all about:

Take 4 perfect strangers living in the same town/city and ask each of them to prepare a dinner party for the other 3 people. Over 4 nights, the 3 guests rank the night according to food and entertainment. Of course it rarely comes down to food and entertainment because when there's a big sum of money to be won, the contest often has very low scores on account of everyone is trying to make sure that they win, whether their night is the best or not.

As a result, at least one guest will be incredibly picky and make an excuse of anything. Take last week when a middle-aged woman went to everyone's house, thinking that her party on the first night was the best. She gave the other three guests low scores because "the pork was a little dry" or "there was too much cinnamon in the pudding". She came last, so it could be said that she got her comeuppance.

Still, it's pretty addictive, much like a nice chocolate pudding. There's always one person who has a massive house and at least one guest or host acts like a total fool in front of the other (like Bath's town crier, for example). It can be funny. Maybe I'm just sad.

Am I Really That Threatening?

2008-06-23T03:39:00.000-07:00

You've probably already gathered that I tend to use the bus to get around and try not to use the car too much (it's my eco-conscience). Since I don't get on the bus with anyone else - generally - I tend to put my i-Pod on and take in some of the sights on the way to wherever I'm going.

Buses are becoming a bit of a meeting-zone for the elderly and young mothers with their screaming kids, most of whom are little whining boys, who seem to always know someone else on the bus. And then there are just other people who are like me and don't know anyone else so they hide away until their stop comes.

It seems like wherever I go, no-one wants to sit next to me. People would rather stand than sit next to me on the bus. Even the bus drivers give me funny looks sometimes. I'm at a loss as to why people find me so scary. Is it the way I dress (which isn't really that threatening at all - are coloured tights and brogues a put-off?) or the fact that I do just sit there and listen to my music (as Babooshka nicely put it, tunes such as Arcade Fire tend to fend off the scary people so it can't be a bad thing)? Please, someone else has to have this semi-dilemma. I'm not really that bothered that no-one sits next to me, my problem is in the fact that they seem to have an aversion to me, like I'm a bad rash. Or perhaps the bus just isn't my type of place. No-one cool or vaguely like me gets on.

Still, it's better than having a swearing chav sit beside me blasting rubbish rave.

Mini-Coverage: Semi-Final Time

2008-06-23T03:17:00.000-07:00

Ooh, Spain are through to the semi-finals after beating Italy last night on penalties - woo! There are a lot of people out there who think that the Spanish are all style and no substance and yeah, the team they had out last night probably proved that point. What the heck was Aragones thinking when he put Fabregas and Guiza on instead of putting Xabi Alonso on and leaving Fernando Torres on the field of play? This was a baffling decision, although they still won which is all the really matters... The Italians had a good go of it in extra time although they never really looked like threatening.

Thank you 5 Live for making the match hilarious as well - your descriptions of "sweaty Vienna", "long straggly hair" and "long legs" alongside describing Italian coach Donadoni as "hip" and "cool", with absolutely no sarcasm, made my night (er, aside from the result). And they say there's no homo-eroticism in football... Special mention to Italian midfielder De Rossi as well, whose massive oversized shorts were described lovingly by a friend as being like "bed-linen". Surely these baggy clown shorts are what caused him to miss his pen.

Also through are Russia, who beat the Netherlands in extra time. There isn't really much to say about this match except for the fact that when Dmitri Torbinski scored, he was well and truly crushed under his Russian team-mates. When he got up, he was invisible from the side. Seriously, he looked in real pain underneath the pile of bodies. This game wasn't as exciting as it had been anticipated although you wouldn't know it from Clive Tyldesley's screaming, especially when Wesley Sneijder had a go on goal. Germany will appear in the first semi-final against Turkey, although I can't really say much about the Germans because, quite simply, I haven't seen them play. However, Turkey are making a claim to be this tournament's Greece after their exhilirating game against Croatia (and this definitely isn't a hyperbolic statement!). Who would've thought that they would come from behind to win the game 3-1 on penalties? It really was gripping and even though they're going to come up against stiff opposition in Germany on Wednesday, I think they could go all the way.

Scary.... Very Scary

2008-06-23T03:11:00.000-07:00

Okay so yesterday I read something very creepy indeed: apparently it has been scientifically proven that bad boys really do appeal to women and are more successful when trying to attract people. This is for three reasons - this is the creepy, terrible part.

1.) Deceit
2.) Narcissism
3.) The impulsive nature of the psychopath

What!? The impulsive nature of the psychopath!? I don't know about anyone else but I certainly wouldn't be attracted to anyone who has any qualities of the psychopath. And who on earth would want to date a guy who was good at deceiving people? Surely this is just a recipe for disaster. Personally I wonder why some of these scientific studies are being carried out - I didn't want to know this!

Inappropriate

2008-06-21T03:29:00.001-07:00

So you probably know that I've been away on business for the past few days and while I was away I saw the most shocking thing!

The parents of this particular boy should be ashamed: said boy was wearing a t-shirt. Okay, you might think "what's your problem" but wait! There's an arrow pointing upwards saying "the man". Then there's an arrow pointing downwards saying "the legend"! What were they thinking?! This is highly inappropriate given that this boy was only around nine and probably didn't have a clue what it meant. Surely this is giving off the wrong kind of signal? Shame on you!

Quick Post

2008-06-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going away for a couple of days, so this is just a quick little post to say that I have started to watch Reaper and it's brilliant - so witty and not at all gruesome! The Devil is portrayed in a way to be a good, ethical person which is quite funny, since we don't usually think of him in that way. Besides, sucking demons up in a little hoover is just so hilarious!

Mini-Coverage: Spain v Russia

2008-06-11T02:08:00.000-07:00

Despite what Faizal might say, this was a less than exhilarating game. Spain won the game 4-1 with a hat-trick from David Villa and a diving header from Cesc Fabregas sealed the victory against a very ordinary Russian side who looked as if they just couldn't be bothered to play. The Russian goal was scored by Roman Pavluchenko. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased that Spain have won but...

The goals really mask that this was a game where a good side played against a very average side who were having a very bad day. Seriously, the BBC commentators made out as if the Spanish were world beaters and although I too would like to think that, I found little happiness watching my team maul the Russians. As good as Holland v Italy? About the same - again, Italy refused to turn up and it became an easy victory for Holland as a result. This competition will be more interesting when the teams play each other in the quarter-finals.

Right now, even Luis Arangones (Spain manager) is admitting that they were lucky to win 4-1 against such a physical side - we'll see how lucky they get against some tougher opposition. For the Russians though it seems as if the Hiddink Touch is wearing off; he is no longer getting the luck that he gained with South Korea in 2002 (where they beat the Spanish to go through to the semi-finals) or with Australia a couple of years ago. Chelsea calls...

Euro 2008 Coverage

2008-06-09T02:54:00.000-07:00

Here starts the mini-coverage of Euro 2008, held this year by Austria and Switzerland. There's no England (good, at least we won't have the constant references to home players and what threat the other team poses) so the BBC and ITV are literally forcing people to pick a team to support.

My money, as ever, is on Spain. Okay, they've flopped in the past but this year I think they've really got their act together. Italy could do something as well, since they've won the World Cup and are probably hungry for another trophy. I doubt there's going to be a big surprise this year like there was in 2004. I just can't see someone like Greece winning it again (although you could get 40-1 on Romania to win, despite the fact that they're in the proverbial "Group of Death").

So far we've seen the Czech Repulic win 1-0 over Switzerland, Portugal win 2-0 over Turkey, Austria lose 1-0 against Croatia and Germany beat Poland by 2 goals. Speaking of Portugal, what the heck was going on with Clive Tyldesley's (I don't think I've spelt his name right, sorry) commentary on the match. He might as well have been bowing down to a golden statue of Ronaldo since his coverage was so unbelievably sycophantic! I hope this kind of commentary doesn't continue - I want a nice, rounded tounament. I think I'm asking for a bit too much though, aren't I?

Kudos, though, to the extremely funny 5 Live commentary on Switzerland v Czech Republic. It was hilarious! I feel incredibly sorry for poor old Sebastien Frei though - it must be terrible to go all the way to the tounament, captain your team and then end up injured for the rest of the competition. The poor man was in tears....

Well it's Holland v Italy tonight which should be very interesting. I think whoever wins Group C has a good chance of winning the overall competition!

Spelin

2008-06-09T02:43:00.000-07:00

Yep, I've spelt "spelling" wrong deliberately because I read yesterday that it takes the average British kid 3 years - yes, 3 years - to spell at a basic level

Now, I have no problems with the fact that it can be difficult to spell some words; I couldn't spell the word "eight" over and over until I reached my second year of comp. There were probably lots of other words I couldn't spell as well, but I remember that this one used to get me particularly frustated.

Anyway, the experts in this report seemed to think that the English language was just too complicated to learn and that there were far too many words that had unnecessary letters, such as "friend" and "orange" (I refuse to put their example of "shoulder" because taking out the "u" would make this phonetically different and then people won't be able to talk let alone spell!) Okay, this is getting complicated.

They suggested that completely rewriting the English language to make it easier to spell would help. They then went on to say that people who had already learned under the old system (i.e. proper spelling) could keep writing words the same way while this new generation went on to write words differently.

What!? What the heck!? That would be like having two different langauges! Can you imagine working with someone ten or twenty years younger than you who practically writes in a different language? This is nonsense! There has to be some way to make spelling easier rather than these rash measures. I don't think tey've thought this one through.

Baffled

2008-06-06T02:56:00.000-07:00

Ah, wine. A favourite drink of so many people. Many drink it often, some seldom touch it. Nevertheless, we're getting a very mixed message about what is good and what is bad for us right now regarding this drink.

A few weeks ago I remember seeing a report that said that drinking 5 glasses of wine or more a week meant that you were increasing your risk of heart disease, liver cancer, cirrhosis etc. by about 50% (or something quite dramatic like that). So, imagine my surprise when just yesterday I saw on the same news program that 5 glasses of wine a week can dramatically reduce your chances of getting rheumatoid arthritis?

This is just typical! Instead of giving us a straight message about what's good for us and what's bad for us, we're being bombarded with mixed messages. Maybe these scientists just like to mess with our heads, seeing our reactions and laughing when we have dumbstruck faces.

Maybe we shouldn't be put off drinking in moderation. Perhaps two and a half glasses of wine a week will mean that we're both reducing our risk of R.A. while only increasing our chances of other diseases by 25%. How about we just stop drinking altogether. It might make all of these health warnings easier to digest!

Maybe Not Such A Good Idea

2008-06-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

I watched Shane Meadows' "This is England" last night and shuddered at the brutality of some members of the National Front (BNP). The film started off somewhat lightheartedly, despite being punctuated by newsreel from the Falklands War, and showing how 12-year-old Shaun fell in with a group of adult skinheads led by Woody (I had to laugh at Woody's impression of Harvey, who'd been in a fight with Shaun on the last day of term).

So Shaun seems to be enjoying himself. But then everything takes a particularly dark turn when xenophobic nationalist Combo comes on to the scene and literally brainwashes Shaun into thinking that everyone with coloured skin is, well, pretty much evil - a view I detest entirely. Shaun becomes more aggressive and adopts Combo's view of the world, which is terrifying considering how young he is meant to be in the film. Luckily a terrible event helps him to open his eyes and Shaun eventually casts off his belief, to my relief.

The film was given a rating of 18, but I really don't think that it's that bad. There is a lot of language that is deemed as offensive by some but there isn't too much violence in it at all, only at the end really. It could be suggested that it should be shown to 15 and 16 year old schoolchildren to show them that showing just how wrong it is to be a nationalist - support your football team by all means, but these radical views are really not on!

Of course, there would be a lot of kids out there who would probably watch "This is England" and admire Combo and his stance on life. Certainly in my town there is a lot of xenophobia and this film would only help to glamorise these kinds of views. That can't be good for anyone, and I wouldn't stand for it. Perhaps showing it to kids wouldn't be such a good idea after all.

Big Bother

2008-06-06T02:24:00.000-07:00

Babooshka said that she was now in the grip of Big Brother, a show which has never interested me in the slightest. I had to watch one of the celebrity series once (I think it was the one where that Chantelle woman won) and was driven crazy - it was all in aid of a project I had to do and watching it every night was such a strain.

What I want to know is, where do they get these people from? There's always some crazy people in the house, along with some blonde bimbo (sorry to any of my blog friends who are blonde, I must say that not all blondes are stupid and/or crazy) and a macho guy who everyone seems to like.

But what's the point? Nothing happens, and it's only on the odd occasion that anything particularly interesting goes on. Even the tasks don't really stir up any kind of interest for me.

Maybe I'm just a bit strange, since everyone I know loves it and judging by the two minutes I caught last night after watching House, everyone will be in the grip of BB fever again. Personally, I can't stand the thing! There must be something better on TV than this voyeuristic.. tripe!